


Gay History

by PsychoCalixteLove



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: 50's AU, Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Communist Spy AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Smut, This Is Going To Be Gay, performer au, politician au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-01-22 09:23:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoCalixteLove/pseuds/PsychoCalixteLove
Summary: It’s the 1950’s and everything is on track to being prosperous in America. At least, that’s what it seems to be. While in Washington D.C, Georgia politician, Jesse Swanson meets an upcoming singer, Benji Applebaum, and immediately becomes involved, thinking there would be no consequences. That is until he runs into the performer at a party in Georgia where his wife, Beca Swanson has a small mishap and ends up meeting Luisa Meyer, who is a Communist spy on a mission to steal atomic secrets. As time goes by, the closeted couple goes deeper and deeper into their clandestine relationships outside their marriage and are ultimately faced with the decision of not only their lives but the lives of millions of Americans.





	1. Chapter 1

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/151741305@N08/37850289776/in/dateposted-public/)

Ch. 1 coming soon! (As in, the next two weeks)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so if you couldn’t tell, this is a historical fiction story, meaning some historical context. That’s what this is for. Before most chapters, there will be an explanation of the time period, specific events, and/or cultural aspects necessary to understanding the plot. I recommend you read the context, but you should be fine if you don’t.
> 
> In 1945, the war in Europe ended on May 7, hence V-E day. Not long after, Germany was split between the Big Four (France, Britain, The Soviet Union, and The United States). Berlin was separated the same way, but the Soviet Union’s territory surrounded the capital, causing tension between the SU and the rest of the world.
> 
> Assume all dialogue is in Russian

**Germany, May 8, 1945**

 

**GERMANY SURRENDERS, SPLIT INTO FOUR**

That was the headline Luisa read as she passed by a small corner shop that was selling newspapers. The headline caught her eye like they’re supposed to, and she couldn’t help but wonder what it meant. She quickly bought a newspaper and skimmed the article, only picking up the overall meaning. East Germany was to go to Stalin and his forces. Luisa gasped at the realization she was in the new East Berlin and had to escape to West Berlin before Stalin’s troops invaded and seized the city. She stuffed the newspaper in her tiny messenger bag and began to run toward the border. She needed to get back to America somehow, but with the new border perimeters, she may not get to. Luisa was currently on an espionage mission for America to find out any and all Soviet secrets so America could win the arising Cold War. Her and her partner, Aksel Klein, were specially selected to travel to Germany, more specifically Berlin, because they both were of perfect Aryan race. They would’ve blended in with the Nazis remaining in Germany and raise no suspicions if they seemed to get too close to officials in the government.

Luisa stopped running once she had run out of cardio and held her hands to her hips while she looked around for her partner. She was in charge of stealing the seditious material and bringing it to the rendez-vous point Aksel set up in West Berlin. The problem now was trying to get to West Berlin. Luisa continued to run as fast as she could in her knee-high boots through the cobblestone streets. She could see the border coming closer, but with the border came the presence of soldiers. Worry started to fill her body as she slowed down to a brisk walk and took in the identification of these soldiers. The small, red stars on their hats and the cloak-like jackets all told her they were Soviets. She reached into her bag and pulled out a German military official badge to show the Soviets in an attempt to pass through. She seemed to startle the soldiers on duty because they burst to life suddenly, pointing their rifles in her direction. She held her hands up then showed them the badge, explaining, “I’m Kommissar Veronika Schneider. I just need to cross the border for important business.” She used her cover name to prevent any further suspicion.

One of the soldiers who was clearly in charge lowered his gun and stepped toward her, snatching the badge out of her hands. She knew she was in trouble when the soldier threw her badge to the ground and spat on it, disgracing the German. The soldier stepped even closer to her and got in her face to look at the woman as he sneered, “Your German ranking means nothing, wretch! You are under the command of Joseph Stalin now, and you respect the authority or else you get a bullet between the eyes.” Spittle grazed Luisa’s face when the soldier spoke, but she tried her best to not let it bother her while she wiped her face and responded calmly, “I didn’t mean any offense, I just have important information to pass on.” She didn’t know how revealing her statement was until she said it and internally scolded herself for being so stupid. The soldier was blatantly curious because he demanded to see what information she meant and when she wouldn’t give it to her voluntarily, he backhanded her across the face.

She fell to the ground and scraped her forehead on the jagged cobblestone, the wound mildly bleeding. She got the wind knocked out of her and couldn’t stop the soldier from taking her brown leather bag. She scrambled to her feet as soon as she could but by that time, the soldier had already found the documents she was supposed to take back to America. The soldier gaped at her angrily, holding the papers up, and questioned, “Why do you have these?” Luisa hurriedly scanned her options, going through every scenario possible. She could turn to run, but she would most likely be shot several times in the back. She could tell the truth and risk being killed right then and there. Or she could remain silent and simply be arrested, which would lead to her death later. Seeing she had no other choice where she lived for a bit longer, Luisa remained silent in an attempt to brush off the situation calmly. The soldier didn’t take the silence respectfully and crumbled the papers in one hand as he clasped a hand over her throat, choking her. She instinctively clutched his hand with both of hers and tried to break free of his grip. The soldier smiled sadistically before he sternly told her, “Oh, he’s going to have fun with this American spy.” The next thing Luisa saw was black because she had passed out from lack of oxygen.

********

When she had opened her eyes again, she was still in her clothes from hours before, but she had a pounding headache from the wound above her right eye, which, thankfully, had stopped bleeding. Luisa blinked away the blood that seeped into her right eye and looked around to take in her surroundings. She found she was in one spotlight in some sort of prison cell tied to a chair with a cloth tied around her mouth, gagging her. She tried to move but was stopped by the restraints holding her arms to the chair arms and her ankles to the chair legs. Her mind went into survival mode instantly, trying to find a way out. She moved her hips to see if she still had the switchblade in her pocket, but didn’t find what she wanted. She should’ve known the Soviets would’ve emptied her pockets. Feeling her waist wasn’t tied, she bent forward and pulled at the knots with her teeth as hard as she could. The fabrics tasted like burned flesh and the idea of the rags being the old clothes of burn victims pressed Luisa further. She pulled on a loose knot and felt her left hand free from the restraints.

She pulled her free hand away from the chair and went to untie her other hand. That’s when she heard footsteps coming from down a nearby hallway. She had to hurry if she wanted to escape alive and she got her other hand free in seconds. With both hands free, she managed to untie her feet quickly and get the horribly tasting cloth out of her mouth. She heard the footsteps come closer and she knew they were going to be here any minute now, tunnel vision taking over. She stood up, her muscles aching, and glanced around for a place to hide. She spotted a dark corner she would blend into because her clothes were dark and hid under the cover of darkness, her hair let down. Her heart was racing like her thoughts and she was scared. She had never been captured before and it certainly was a new experience for her. She tried to calm herself down while making as little noise as possible, looking to the cell door in anticipation. She swallowed hard before she saw two men enter the room, one her size, the other taller. She saw this as her opportunity to fight for escape so she threw herself at the guy about her size and went to start hitting him, but the taller guy grabbed her from behind and threw her against the opposite wall.

She lost her breath again and her wound split open, blood running down her face in little streams. She hit the floor hard, curled into herself, and waited to be killed. The guy that threw her stalked over to her and picked her up by the neck. He forced her against the wall and kept her there with his hips, purposefully hurting her. Luisa looked into his eyes and only read pure malice, which made her believe that was the last pair of eyes she was going to see. She could feel the world start to fade away into black again until she heard, ”Vladimir, set her down.” The guy in front of her, Vladimir, reluctantly followed the order by slowly easing her to the ground but keeping his hand at her throat. Vladimir let her neck go and stepped off to the side to reveal the Communist leader of the Soviet Union and now East Germany . . . Joseph Stalin. He was short for a man, about Luisa’s height, and he had a rough handlebar mustache with his hair slicked back, a Soviet Union military uniform adorning his body. She placed her hands on her knees, breathing in and out harshly, and brought her gaze to meet his in defiant defeat. Her chest pumped up and down as she found the strength to stand up straight.

Stalin took a step toward her when he began to explain, “You must be Luisa Meyer. I’ve heard a lot of things about you. Now, I know I usually don’t meet with spies, usually just shoot them on the spot, but when I heard you had been captured, I was overjoyed. Nobody had been able to catch the infamous Veronika Schneider, Klara Kohnhorst, or Käthe Langer, but now we know you’re Luisa Meyer. The American spy.” Luisa cursed herself and hoped that she wouldn’t be killed. She stood against the wall and watched Stalin come just a bit closer and continue to rant, “When you tried to cross the border today, you were caught with valuable secrets that could’ve helped America, you know, if they had gotten them. You see, you’re a citizen of the Soviet Union now and you helping the United States is treason, which is punishable by death in my society.” Vladimir pulled a pistol out and pointed it at Luisa’s head, the barrel pressed to her bleeding temple. Luisa froze, stopped all functions, and just waited for the trigger to be pulled. Tears leaked down her cheeks, some red from the blood in her eyes, and she lightly whimpered her final goodbye.

Stalin marveled at the submissive woman and got an idea. He raised his hand and Vladimir lowered the gun from Luisa’s head, the woman’s eyes cracking open. She opened her eyes fully, vision slightly blurry from the blood, and contemplated the direction of her life when Stalin finished, “I have heard the Americans are working on an atomic bomb, yes? So I’m going to make a deal. As long as I live, I want you to be a spy for my beloved country and steal these atomic secrets from America. Either you be a Soviet spy or you face the death penalty. Make your choice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this was short. I want to pace this one slowly so some chapters will be short


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moore’s Ford Bridge Lynching of 1946 was the “last mass lynching in America” where four African-Americans (George Dorsey, Mae Murray Dorsey, Roger Malcolm, and Dorothy Malcolm) were murdered savagely. George Dorsey was a WWII veteran and Dorothy Malcolm was seven months pregnant. What sparked the lynching was the arrest of Roger Malcolm for stabbing his white overseer, Barnette Hester, eleven days prior. On the day of the lynching, white landowner, J. Loy Harrison, drove the other three to go bail out Roger Malcolm, but on their way back, they were stopped by a mob and the four African-Americans were murdered. (Actual names will not be used and the first part of this chapter is based on this event.)
> 
> The rest of America in the year 1950 was as follows. The Korean War started on June 25, months after the military budget was quadrupled. At this time, “Red Hunters” were starting to look for subversives in any place at all. Government, Hollywood, and even private businesses were investigated for anyone they called “Subversive” all because of the Cold War. “Subversives” included Communists, homosexuals (The gays, yes), debtors, and alcoholics. On a brighter note, the economy started to flourish into a nation of consumerism and a “baby boom” swept the nation, with more than 70 million children born by 1964.

**Georgia, July 14, 1946**

 

“You have no right to tell me what to do!” Benji wasn’t very careful with his word choice at moment. He was standing in his living room across from his boyfriend, Richard Cranston. They were arguing about Benji’s supposed  _ racism _ outside their apartment. Why the topic was so infuriating for Richard was because Richard was deemed “colored”. Richard had beautiful dark skin, something Benji really loved and knew the importance of secrecy. Benji apparently didn’t because he was screaming his head off with no regards for anyone else in their small apartment building. Richard took a step toward Benji and scolded, “Do I have no right because I’m black?! Newsflash, Ben! I’m still a citizen of the United States!” Benji glared at Richard fiercely before he pushed him back onto the couch and yelled, “I never said you weren’t! But you’re more than welcome to go back where you came from!” Benji immediately regretted what he said as soon as he said it because he knew it was extremely racist toward anyone of color, especially for blacks. Richard looked like he was half in tears, half raging fury, but he managed to get an attack back on Benji. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re ever sleeping with any of them, your white friends. But given how much you obviously hate me, I don’t know why I had any doubts.”

Richard stood up from the couch, tears running singly down his face, and walked toward the kitchen. He stopped to turn his head to the side, not enough to look at Benji, then ask him, “Who was it? Which one do you love more than me?” Benji couldn’t understand why Richard was questioning his faithfulness to him because truthfully, he had never cheated on Richard. Benji went over to Richard and placed his hand cautiously on Richard’s shoulder. Richard shrugged Benji’s hand off him as he heard Benji plead, “There’s no one else, Rich. I only love you.” Richard straightened his back out before he fixed his gaze on the wall in front of him, not able to believe Benji. Richard really wanted to believe Benji, but all Benji ever did when they weren’t together was hang out with his racist friends and pretend to be racist. He pretended to absolutely hate the race he claimed to love so Richard had no choice to question Benji’s love for him. Richard turned around, finality written in his eyes, and proposed his ultimatum, “Then be with me. Only me. It’s either me or them. But if it’s them, I’ll just leave now.” Benji hesitated in his answer and that was all Richard needed to know Benji didn’t truly love him. Richard made to get his belongings and leave, but Benji tried to stop him.

“No, Benji! You’ve already made your decision! You’d rather be racist than accept the reality of it!” Richard screamed, throwing the door to the apartment open. Benji wanted to say something, but Richard had already slammed the door after himself and left the building. Benji plopped himself on the couch, face in hands, and lamented the loss of his lover. Benji found out later that night from his neighbor that Richard was arrested for assaulting a white man who happened to be Benji’s closest friend. Benji was already too numb to feel remorse, grief, or even love anymore.

********

**Georgia, July 25, 1946**

 

Which was why eleven days later, Benji found himself standing on a dirt road with at least forty other guys, all white, all racist. He figured if he couldn’t have Richard, he might as well forget about at least trying to be peaceful with everyone. So he was left hollow, heartbroken, and emotionless. He didn’t even respond when everyone else migrated into a small wall that blocked the road when a car came driving up. Benji didn’t pay attention to who was in the car or what everyone else was doing because he was too focused on what he was trying to feel at the moment. He stood at the back of the crowd, head hung low, and kicked at some rocks beside his feet. A small raucous built up as the passengers of the vehicle were removed violently from their seats. Still, Benji didn’t look up. Not even when he heard a familiar voice yell, “What are you doing?!” The voice was clearly Richard’s, but something in Benji prevented him from acknowledging the presence of his ex-lover. Richard and three other African-Americans were taken out of the car, all begging not to be harmed. But the thing about lynchings was people didn’t have to worry about how much they were going to be hurt, they just had to know they’d die immediately afterward.

Today was going to be gruesome and Benji almost didn’t care. He stared off into the sunset which was casting its crimson glow across the scene and gave a foreboding mood to Benji. The other men there had gotten their victims tied to trees and brought out guns of all shapes and sizes to shoot them. Following the movement of the crowd, Benji made his way to the center of the lot and portrayed a semblance of what he thought to be rage. The guns were distributed among the front line as everyone prepared to face death, but the leader of the mob paused the aimed guns. “Halt! Angels of Death! We must focus on what is truly important here,” the man began while motioning to lower the guns. Richard and his tied up friends let out a heavy breath unnoticeable by their captors but tensed when they received a devilish grin from the leader. The old man directing the mob got hold of a rifle and searched for the person he was looking for. He walked up to Benji and eyed him triumphantly before shoving the weapon in his hands. “Our friend here,” indicating Benji, “is an honest homosexual. And he is guilty of sodomy with this man right there,” the Grand Wizard announced, pointing to Richard.

It was then that Benji looked at the people who were tied up. He instantly recognized Richard, then he knew the others there to be Richard’s sister, Charley, and his neighbors, the Kilawicks. All of them were tied to their own trees with Richard in the middle. The man in charge, his name was Dale and he simply continued, “We could kill you too if we wanted to, but we’re willing to give you a second chance because you’re white.” Benji had no idea what to make of the proposition until Dale explained, “Shoot him. That’s all you have to do. Shoot him and you can abolish your wrongs and be a pure Klan member.” Benji’s eyes widened so much he thought they would fall out at the request he shoot someone. His heart pumped faster and faster as he knew how big of a decision he had to make. Either kill the man he subconsciously loved or be killed with his love. Benji turned to Richard for an answer, but Richard just looked away and this told Benji to shoot him. Tears stung Benji’s eyes, but he cocked the gun and aimed it in silence anyway. With his decision made, Benji placed his finger on the trigger and looked down the sights to make sure the barrel was in line with Richard’s restrained body.

He waited a long while, internally debating if he wanted to do this, and Dale pressured, “Go on and do it. Kill him.” Richard focused back on Benji defiantly before he felt the first bullet enter his stomach. Benji had shot him. But he didn’t stop there. A bloodlust overtook Benji and made him pull the trigger four more times. When Benji lowered the rifle in his hands, all four victims were dead, each shot at least fifteen times. Benji hadn’t even heard the other gunshots go off. The only sounds he heard were reminiscent to the beating of the chest he laid his head upon at night, reminiscent of the low voice whispering, “I love you,” reminiscent of the sound of his own heart shattering in his chest. Benji let the gun fall to the ground along with himself as he landed on his knees in mourning. He started to cry profusely and attracted the attention of Dale. The next thing Benji knew, he was lying on the side of the road half-beaten to death and left to bleed out. He vowed to himself that if he lived, he would become an activist for civil rights to avenge the torturous death of his lover.

********

**Georgia, November 7, 1950**

 

All of Georgia was happy. They had their new Senators elected and life was beginning to be prosperous. The economy burst to life and so did the population. With the new financial stability, families were starting to become increasingly larger, but along with bigger families, gender roles came into play. The husband made the money while the wife stayed home and took care of the kids, simple as that. Even the new Senator’s life had gender roles. Jesse Swanson and his wife Beca were riding down Atlanta’s main street in the back of the convertible and were conjoined at the hand. They had been married for five years and in love for none of them. Neither of them knew it, but the other one was a secretly closeted gay so they were unknowingly each other’s beards. Yes, they loved each other platonically, but definitely not romantically or sexually, not each other’s “type”. The truth of their sexuality remained secret and hidden behind their heteronormative act. They played up their relationship in public to seem believable, but back at home, they didn’t share the same bed. Jesse didn’t mind supporting him and Beca because they were still friends and she often times helped him in ways only a wife would.

She dropped out of college to help get him through, she corrected him when he was about to make a fool of himself, and she even helped him win the recent election. That’s why Beca was with Jesse when he was asked to be in the small parade for the new electees. They couldn’t have made it to where they were now without each other and everything felt right. Except for one thing. About three months prior to the parade they were currently at, they woke up next to each other in Jesse’s bed completely naked. They stared wide-eyed at each other’s naked body, Beca asking, “Did we?” Jesse hurriedly answered, “No, no. We just . . . um . . . we just didn’t do that.” They left the situation at that, but low and behold here it came back to bite them in the ass. Beca twitched nervously in her seat and looked to Jesse, who noticed how scared Beca was. Jesse squeezed her hand lightly, kissed her temple, and asked, “What’s wrong Becs?” Beca glanced at their hands before gazing into Jesse’s eyes and telling him, “I’m pregnant.” The shock was evident on Jesse’s face, but it was soon replaced by a great big smile which placated Beca’s fear.

He held her waist as he placed a loving kiss to her lips, Beca reciprocating momentarily. They pulled away with the crowds roaring and joined hands, thrusting them into the air. Tears of joy lined Beca’s eyelids and a smile spread across he face. This was going to be a great decade. Or so they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry this is short. I hope to have longer chapters (and more efficiency) soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you chapters would get longer.
> 
> Assume changes in place are the same day, unless otherwise indicated.

**Georgia, November 5, 1952**

 

Two years can change a lot of things, especially the course of someone’s life. To Beca and Jesse, life was going to be fairly simple with the birth of their daughter Bonnie Cheryl Swanson, but they found everything much more stressful. Bonnie was the kind of child that would scream her head off at two in the morning and require attention for at least twenty minutes before she fell back asleep. She was a great child during the day as she only played with little wooden blocks, which meant Beca could do what she truly loved. Often times, when Bonnie had to be put down for her nap, Beca would hold her in one arm while she played a simple tune on the grand piano. Beca wrote the small lullaby in a few hours, lyrics and all, and thought of it as a way to grow closer to her daughter. Though society told her not to, Beca had gone to college for a few years and achieved a partial degree in musical composition. She knew the basics of creating a melody with a bass line, but with some tinkering, she learned how to create full songs with lyrics and perform them with little to no practice. Unfortunately, she had dropped out before she could’ve gotten a different career than a typical housewife.

Beca sometimes didn’t even need to watch Bonnie because she essentially hired a nanny and a maid all in one. Chloe and she had been friends since college, but in the past year, they’ve been a lot closer than any friend typically should be. Beca was the one to start the affair, but Chloe totally dominated when times came to  _ it _ . Times when Jesse was out for the night and left Beca home with Chloe, Bonnie, and the other domestic servants of the household. Those were the countless hours when their friendship became all but platonic for Chloe. Beca and Chloe used almost every time they had to have each other and now was no exception. “Alright, Jess. Do you have everything you need?” Beca asked, following Jesse to the front door. He was about to leave for a Congress meeting in Washington D.C. and he typically forgot at least one thing. “Yeah, Becs. I have everything I need for the next few days. Don’t worry,” Jesse answered, leaning down to pick Bonnie up. He gave her a loving kiss on the cheek and a hug to which she giggled and flailed childishly. Beca and Jesse both smiled at their daughter before giving each other quick goodbye kisses, Jesse handing Bonnie to Beca.

Jesse grabbed his suitcase and walked down the grand staircase in front of their house that looked more like a mansion. He gave his bag to the driver and waved goodbye one last time as he climbed into the back seat of the car. Beca stood at the top of the stairs with Bonnie in her arms, waving until she saw Jesse leave the driveway. She went back inside to put Bonnie down for her morning nap and she barely shut the door to her own bedroom before Chloe had her pinned against the wall with her lips roaming the exposed areas of Beca’s skin. Beca brought Chloe’s lips back to hers and kissed her several times as she breathed out, “Thank God. I thought he’d never leave.”

********

**Washington D.C.**

 

Jesse walked down the lit up streets of Washington D.C. after he got settled into his temporary house to find something to cool himself off. He looked up and down all the streets he walked along as he was trying to find a nice place for a drink. He had a lot of mental stress that needed to be taken care of, preferably alone. Jesse turned the corner and was instantly greeted with a hotspot for Congressmen. A jazz club called The Advent shown bright in sparkling white lights and facades of red which drenched the place in a sense of danger. Jesse awed at the size of the building and was irrevocably drawn to its entrance with the scent of alcohol and sex pouring through the rotating door. Jesse looked both ways before crossing the lightly trafficked street and he looked up at the sign momentarily. The letters were blocky and were the only positive space on the black sign. Jesse glanced to both sides of himself and finally pushed the rotating door around. He was greeted with a grand ballroom lit by elegant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling by gold chains. The stage at the other end of the room held a grand piano accented by gold metalwork and other instruments used for performances.

Jesse took in the large columns that supported the cathedral-like ceiling and perceived the round tables covered by white table cloths and surrounded by two or three chairs made of red wood. Closer to the stage, there was a small VIP section marked off by the presence of upholstered chairs built from red leather. Off to the side, a large bar lined the wall with the various forms of liquor the economically successful decade could produce and the small kitchen that provided dinners for the elites there was off to the left of the bar, right next to the door which led backstage. The opposite wall was just window that looked out into the busy streets of the capital. Jesse glanced around for a few more seconds before he was introduced to the hostess. She came up to him and asked, “May I help you sir?” Jesse switched his focus from her to other places in the club before he responded, “Yes, can I get a table and a drink please?” The hostess nodded her head and led him to a table at a medium distance from the stage. Jesse didn’t tell her he was a senator because he already saw too many of his colleagues drunk in the VIP section and he just wanted to be alone for a while. He sat down and was handed a glass of Old Fitzgerald, a famous bourbon whiskey. Jesse sipped at his drink while he pondered over his thoughts.

His mind took him to the most prominent problem in his life: Beca. She wasn’t necessarily a problem as much as what their relationship was like now. They were married, but subconsciously both knew it was all a lie. There came a point when lying made everything worse because whatever they said became what they lived by. Truthfully, that was why their relationship had grown . . . stale. The lies they fed to the nation, the lies they fed to each other. No matter how many times they’ve tried to tell each other the truth, fear was what held them back. They still had the friendship bond, that was never going away, but now they felt more like dissonant roommates than best friends. Jesse desperately wanted to get that connection back because he was drowning in his loneliness. None of his fellow Dixiecrat congressmen felt the same way he did in many decisions and Beca was the only one he could really talk to about such things. Jesse felt so alone in the room of other citizens and he just stared into the auburn liquid in his glass that had already been refilled two times. Jesse knocked back the rest of that drink as the next act was getting set up on stage to perform.

Benji stood just backstage in his best suit and shook out his nerves vigorously. His backup singers and players took their place on stage while the lights dimmed and centered on the announcer. Everyone’s attention switched to the stage, so gloriously decorated for this purpose, and the announcer surveyed the crowd to make sure everyone was listening. “Ladies and Gentlemen, making their final performance in Washington D.C., please put your hands together for Phoenix Havoc and The Shadow Tales!” the announcer declared, sliding off the stage. At the introduction, Benji walked onto stage in time with the erratic clapping and whistling of the crowd. He stopped center stage in front of the piano, bowed low, and held his hand out to his backup to acknowledge them. Enjoying the attention, Benji’s backup waved their hands and blew a few kisses. They hardly ever got so much applause but that was because they all were black musicians, not because they were bad. Benji made a point by using only colored instrumentalists and he often times brought attention to the rising Civil Rights Movement as part of his show. Benji kindly took his seat at the piano and adjusted the microphone accordingly before signaling the rest of the band to what song they were going to do first.

Jesse stared, captivated by the singer, and paid close attention to everything he did. From the hand motion to begin the song to the way he looked out into the audience, everything about Benji intrigued Jesse and he knew he had to at least talk to the performer. And that’s exactly what he did. Once the show was over, Benji and his band cleared their instruments and sheet music off the stage before heading backstage to pack up. Jesse paid what he had to and followed his instincts on where to go. Jesse pushed the door open and climbed the few stairs to find himself in an array of doors, all leading to their own separate dressing rooms. He went around, knocking on some doors to find they were empty and got to one that was locked. He jiggled the handle a few times and this alerted the people inside. Luisa and Pieter, her new partner, both looked to the door in surprise. They were on assignment together and were only at the club to find out their location to investigate. So far, the guy they were talking to wasn’t very helpful in determining said place so the two of them had to use a bit of force.

The person they were talking to was tied to a chair with a cloth tied tightly in his mouth to gag him and blood covering his face and upper body. Luisa and Pieter, Pieter mainly, had smashed glasses over the guy’s head to force him to talk and the guy was terrified out of his mind. Luisa stood in front of him in a white dress shirt and long black skirt with a skinny black tie. Her hair was pulled back into a low, loose bun and some hair escaped, which framed her face with the blonde pieces. Her lips were as red as her victim’s face because of her lipstick and her eyes as dark as her victim’s future because of her eye makeup. She had a glass of whiskey in her right hand and her left arm came across her abdomen as a resting place. She gawked at the locked door while Jesse kept jiggling the handle in an attempt to find Benji and he finally gave up. He moved on to other doors as Luisa finished her business quickly. Her victim would’ve screamed if it weren’t for the revolver placed at his temple by Pieter and her scolding gaze. She casually turned back to the bleeding man and approached him slowly. She rested her free hand on the back of the chair as she leaned down into the guy’s face and demanded, “¿Dónde está nuestro contacto?” Her victim was the owner of the club and while he spoke fluent English, he wanted to seem like he didn’t speak English so he spoke Spanish with the idea neither of them spoke it.

Unfortunately for him, Luisa spoke eight different languages, ranging from Danish to Spanish, and wasn’t intimidated at all. The victim gathered all his rage into one spur and spat blood and saliva at Luisa. Spatter sprinkled her face, but most of the shot got on her shirt, which really pissed her off. She squeezed her eyes shut and huffed out a slow, harsh breath before fake smiling and opening her eyes again. She had to contain her temper for now, but she wasn’t going to let the guy off that easily. “Intenté ser amable contigo, pero aparentemente no lo entiendes. Ahora me dirá dónde está nuestro contacto o le cortarán la garganta,” she threatened, standing up straight again. Luisa took her drink over to the small counter in the room and picked up a spare cloth she found. She wiped her face off calmly, looked at Pieter, and gave him a small nod, which made him place a knife at the guy’s throat, the gun being put away. The guy flinched once he felt the blade press against his jugular and he finally cracked. “Fine! You’re supposed to go to Georgia! That’s where you’ll find what you need!” he screamed, squirming under the razor-sharp blade. Luisa turned back to him, chugged the last of her drink, and motioned to Pieter again. In a rush of events, Pieter pulled the knife away but not without slicing open the victim’s throat, blood rushing everywhere.

Luisa couldn’t tell whether she found the gore attractive, revolting, or everything in between, but she definitely knew one thing. All of it was spilled for the wrong reasons. The countless Americans she and Pieter had slaughtered in the name of the Soviet Union horrified her and while she didn’t have a choice in the matter, she wished she didn’t have to deal with the aftermath. Pieter walked to her, blood covering his forearms, and told her, “Alright. Let’s call it a night. You are too on edge to be doing any more killing.” She looked at him since she had to at least admit he cared about her in the slightest way. The partnership may have been forced, but the friendship they grew from it was on their own terms and built from innocent bloodshed. Pieter took the bloody cloth from her and wiped off his hands. After he had gathered all of their equipment and weapons, Luisa glanced down at her shirt, her voicing the barely audible grumble, “My favorite shirt too.” She turned around and picked up her camera off the counter for she had to take pictures of every person they killed. She snapped a few photos on her fundamental Kodak and turned to face Pieter only to be met with a sight known to most Americans as homosexuality.

The dressing room the two of them were in apparently was made for pervy men because the room had a one-way mirror that looked into what was supposed to be a women’s dressing room, but was currently being used by Benji and his new friend, Jesse. In the next room, Jesse and Benji were deeply making out in front of what they thought to just be a mirror, but Pieter and Luisa could expressly see what they were doing and the slight tents forming in their pants from the accumulating arousal. Pieter’s face froze while Luisa chuckled quietly. Neither of them knew who the two men were, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have a bit of fun with it. Luisa pulled out her camera again, toggled with the settings, and snapped a few pictures of the scene. She laughed aloud at the idea, some joy coming to her life, though Pieter had no idea what she found so funny. “You don’t see that every day, now do you?” Luisa proposed, pointing to Jesse and Benji. In the past seven years, Luisa had only known torture, pain, and suffering so she was glad to accept any sort of solace from her double life. That’s what it felt like to her. She had to hide herself to prevent anyone from seeing the insecure, scared PTSS victim, but she couldn’t hide her mental scars at night when she woke from a horrible nightmare.

It was always Pieter that brought her back to the present, centered her on reality. The life she was living wasn’t necessarily better, but certainly better than what she had been through. She and Pieter finished collecting their belongings and quickly headed out to their car parked in the alley. Back inside, Benji was totally topping Jesse on the small couch in his dressing room and things were starting to become unbearable. Jesse held Benji’s face in his hands while Benji had a firm grip on Jesse’s hips, grinding them together. Both could feel the other’s arousal through their pants and this only made them want more. Benji went to kiss down Jesse’s neck, but Jesse stopped him. “How about we go back to my place? It’s not far from here, and I would really like to get to know you better,” Jesse questioned, seeing a special glint in Benji’s eyes. Benji kissed Jesse again before getting up and pulling Jesse up with him. Benji got closer to him to whisper in his ear, “I’m all yours, Mr. Senator. Go ahead and make me your bitch.” Jesse could’ve died right then, but he had too much alcohol to be able to think right. As the two walked back to Jesse’s house in D.C., they talked casually like it was a first date of some sort and both found comfort in the mild hand hold they acquired when they were out of sight.

Benji and Jesse were both supposed to be in D.C. for the next few days so they spent their days apart but their nights together. Benji found he really liked Jesse after their first getting-to-know-you chat and while Jesse thought the same thing, he couldn’t help but tell himself they were just a couple of one night stands. They made a promise to themselves that if they ever met again, they would tell the other of their feelings. Little did they realize how fucked up that situation would make their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> ¿Dónde está nuestro contacto? - Where is our contact?
> 
> Intenté ser amable contigo, pero aparentemente no lo entiendes. Ahora me dirá dónde está nuestro contacto o le cortarán la garganta - I tried to be nice to you, but apparently you do not understand. Now you will tell me where our contact is or your throat will be cut.


	5. Chapter 5

**Georgia, November 27, 1952**

 

Thanksgiving was a wonderful pastime for Americans. They got to celebrate all the lies built up over the years, but no lie was more celebrated that day than infidelity. As stated previously, the lovely married couple of Beca and Jesse was nothing but a lie so what’s a few more? Beca clutched to Chloe’s shoulders as the woman moved against her, three fingers in. Chloe kissed Beca’s neck and tried not to leave marks on her skin. It was a few hours before the Thanksgiving party Beca and Jesse organized to celebrate the holiday and this was how Beca and Chloe were preparing. They both knew they should’ve been doing other things, but they decided to do each other instead. Chloe thrust her fingers in and out of Beca at a constant rate, pressed her palm into Beca’s clit, and caressed Beca’s breast. Beca tilted her head back before she felt her orgasm rush through her. She kept her moaning to a minimum since there were people walking around the house, but she made sure Chloe knew what she was doing to her. Chloe eased up on thrusts as she calmed Beca down from the high and kissed her gently. Beca held the two sides of Chloe’s face to ground herself in the moment, yet she was thinking about what she needed to do before the party.

Chloe removed her fingers from Beca’s wet center and licked them clean. “Now, come on, Becs. We really need to get you dressed. And plus, I still have to give Bonnie her bath,” Chloe coerced, looking Beca in the eyes. Beca groaned a little bit but knew Chloe was right so she pushed Chloe off of her and stood up. Chloe laid sprawled out on the bed, a mischievous smirk on her face, and watched Beca walk to the bathroom. Beca stepped into the room, poked her head back into the room, and invited, “Aren’t you coming with me? Or do you really need to take care of Bonnie?” Chloe shook her head at Beca’s antics as she stood and walked to Beca. She flicked the tip of Beca’s nose before kissing her one last time and saying, “Yes, I do. Unless you’d rather have your daughter covered in her lunch for the party.”

********

The party a few hours later was nothing short of extravagant. The large dining hall had been set to seat at least eighty and all the finest china was brought out. Then the ballroom next door had been transformed into a large gathering area where the guests were immediately led to when they entered. There was a bar full of different liquors, a small stage where the entertainment was going to start playing, and decorations so lavish, Beca had to use her credit card. The room was awash in shades of gold, red, and white just like The Advent in Washington D.C., but only Jesse cared to note that to himself. He and Beca greeted guests as they came in, but once they had thought everyone arrived, they went to socialize and didn’t notice two final guests come in. One was a tall blonde in a strapless dress and red lipstick while the other appeared to be her husband with dark hair and a white suit. The two guests seemed to want to go unnoticed so they walked over to the bar that was in the far back corner, furthest from the stage. Jesse and Beca were wandering around, arms looped together, and came upon Chloe, who was holding Bonnie in her arms.

Bonnie was dressed in an outfit similar to her mother’s, but hers was child appropriate. Beca’s dress was a pink, off the shoulder dress that clung tightly to her body until her hips where the fabric was set free and draped over her legs. Bonnie’s dress was a simple, pink dress that came down to her knees. The small child was eating her tiny fist like most children do and she giggled when Beca kissed her cheek and made funny noises against the soft flesh. Both Chloe and Jesse couldn’t help the smiles that crossed their faces at the adorable scene between the mother and daughter, though the moment was ruined by the tapping of the microphone on stage. Everyone’s attention shifted to the stage where the announcer was introducing the entertainment. Jesse realized he still didn’t know who Beca had gotten and he turned to her with the question, “Hey, Becs. Who did you book for this?” Beca handed Bonnie back to Chloe before looking back to Jesse and answering, “Have you ever heard of Phoenix Havoc and The Shadow Tales?” The mild confusion on Jesse’s face told her no, but when the performers walked on stage, his face lit up with a mix of excitement and shock.

Benji and his band appeared on stage, all in suits, and they got to their individual instruments. Benji looked out into the crowd, barely saw any faces because of the bright lights, and brought his gaze toward the front of the stage where his eyes detected a surprised Jesse. Benji was just as surprised and excited to see Jesse, but he had to start the show. Benji gave the queue to begin and his band played the intro to the song they performed at The Advent a few weeks prior. Seeing the music had started, many of the guests paid attention for half the song before they went back to mingling. Chloe had left to get Bonnie something to eat because she was starting to get a bit cranky and no one wanted a crying child at such a big party. Eventually, Benji and his band had to take a break so they exited the stage and went to mingle. Almost everyone was a bit hesitant about his bandmates due to their race, but Beca made it a policy that all opinions would be kept within or else they would be immediately removed. Jesse saw this opportunity but didn’t spare a second to seize the chance encounter. Jesse took his arm away from Beca and requested, “Could you find the Senator of Colorado for me? I’ll go look too, but I just really need to find him.” Beca barely caught what he was saying, though she still rapidly agreed. Jesse nodded his thanks and went off to find Benji, the Colorado senator a ploy to get Beca away from him.

Beca meandered through the crowds of politicians and their spouses (all female) to find the Senator until she realized the Senator had declined her invitation because of her choice in band. She stopped promptly and thought about what Jesse’s request meant. She had seen him staring at Benji the whole time, even as people came up to greet them. Then she saw him head off toward the stage after he asked her to go on this wild goose chase and that’s when it hit her. She figured Jesse must be involved with the singer in some way, but she truly didn’t mind. She already had cheated on him enough times so she couldn’t say anything. She shrugged the situation off and barely took three steps before she was knocked in the back and sent falling to the floor face first. Luckily for her, someone had caught her with a strong arm wrapped around her waist and stopped her fall. Once she had gotten her feet back on the ground, she stood up with the arm still around her. She reached down to remove the help, but when she felt how delicate the limb was, she couldn’t stop herself from holding onto it and lightly caressing it. She seemed to get lost in what she was doing, which was why she jumped slightly when the person leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Are you just going to stand there and hold me, Maus?”

Beca dropped the arm quickly and turned around to be faced with Luisa, lips red and hair curled. Luisa’s breath had a smoky scent to it and a slight tinge of alcohol, all explained by the drink on the bar counter and cigarette in between her fingers. Beca was left speechless by the woman’s low voice, but even more by her pale chest that was exposed due to her strapless, black dress with bouquets of roses on it. Beca’s face flared up to a bright red at just the sight of this female in front of her and she couldn’t control herself. Bringing the lit cigarette to her lips, Luisa smirked devilishly at Beca as if she was enjoying the attention. Beca watched in awe and slight arousal as Luisa took a long drag and held it in her lungs for a few seconds before simply opening her mouth to just let the smoke billow out at its leisure. Beca couldn’t have that anyone was hotter. After a while, Luisa was nudged by Pieter, who was standing next to her, and she snapped to attention from her own ponderous thoughts. Keeping a sensual attitude, Luisa introduced herself, “I’m Luisa. And this is my husband, Pieter.” Neither she or Pieter bothered to use cover names because they really didn’t see a point to it. Beca shook her head to get herself back in the moment and replied, “I-I’m Beca and I wish you were my husband. Wife! I mean, ugh! M-My husband is Jesse. He’s the Senator of Georgia.”

Luisa chuckled inwardly at how flustered she made the other woman and just knew Beca was gay and that her supposed husband was a cover-up. At that second, Chloe came up to them with Bonnie, a sense of urgency written across her face. “Hey, Becs! Can you take Bonnie for now? They need some help in the kitchen and Jesse asked me to go help,” Chloe explained. Beca craned her head toward Chloe, her cheeks still blushed, and gratefully took Bonnie in her arms. “Yeah, sure Chlo. Have you met Luisa?” answered Beca, motioning to Luisa. Chloe looked at Luisa once or twice and shook her head in the negative, a suspicious look taking over her face. “Well, she and her husband Pieter came here all the way from—”

“Germany. He’s a West German diplomat,” finished Luisa, using their cover. The amazement was obvious in Beca’s expression, which had two different reactions from the other two women. Luisa genuinely smiled at the mother while Chloe darted her eyes back and forth between her current lover and new enemy in mild disgust. Luisa glanced at Chloe to see the slight jealousy and made her smile a bit smug on purpose, Chloe noticing immediately.

“Well, anyway. I will talk to you later Beca. Nice to meet you, Luisa.” With that, Chloe dismissed herself to the kitchen where she took out her anger on some innocent potatoes. Beca and Luisa watched the redhead leave, but Luisa was the first to comment, “I don’t think Carrot Top likes me that much.” The nickname earned a laugh from Beca and a chuckle from Pieter before he went to socialize, as he called it with a knowing look to Luisa. Beca glared around the room, rocked Bonnie in her arms, and asked Luisa, “Would you like to see the rest of the house? I probably need to lay her down for a few minutes anyway.” Luisa finished off her cigarette before mashing the butt in a nearby ashtray and agreeing. Beca nodded her head toward the hall and Luisa followed her, walking side by side. Beca carried Bonnie up the stairs, though she had some difficulty in her heels, while Luisa watched the woman’s actions carefully. They reached the top in what felt like no time, but neither knew where to start. When Luisa mentioned how tired Bonnie was getting, Beca decided it was best to put her down for her afternoon nap before dinner was served. Beca rested Bonnie’s head on her shoulder as she led Luisa down a long corridor.

She pointed to various doors and explained what room they were, though when Luisa asked about paintings, Beca was more than glad to explain where they came from. Beca’s favorite artist was the well known abstract expressionist Jackson Pollock. She had so many works of his, she had to clear out an entire room to essentially build a shrine out of the canvases. Luisa didn’t think any of it was weird, in fact, she thought Beca’s passion on the subject was adorable and felt a happiness she hadn’t felt in a long time. Staring at Beca’s lit up eyes, Luisa seemed to get lost in the complete serenity expressed through Beca’s irises. Beca finished her explanation and looked at Luisa for some response, but all she got was the brightest smile from the older woman, which was enough for her to know Luisa really enjoyed what she said. The two finally came to Bonnie’s room that was just next to Beca’s room because she had to be nearby if something happened in the middle of the night. Luisa shut the door behind them before she caught up with Beca, who was adjusting her grip on Bonnie. Beca saw the toddler’s face and fist was covered in saliva, but she couldn’t deny it was adorable. Beca turned to Luisa to propose, “Do you mind holding her while I get a wipe to clean her face?” Luisa was surprised by the request, her eyes widening slightly, yet she still took the child in her arms.

Almost immediately, Bonnie began to cry at the sudden change in environment, the smoky scent and soft heartbeat abnormal for her. Beca was about to take Bonnie back when Luisa stopped her with, “It’s fine Maus. You go get a wipe.” Beca nodded her head quickly before speeding off to the bathroom. Bonnie droned on incessantly until Luisa began bouncing lightly and sang a sweet lullaby from her own childhood:

 

_ Guten Abend, gute Nacht,  _

_ mit Rosen bedacht,  _

_ mit Näglein besteckt,  _

_ schlupf unter die Deck:  _

_ Morgen früh, wenn Gott will,  _

_ wirst du wieder geweckt,  _

_ morgen früh, wenn Gott will,  _

_ wirst du wieder geweckt.  _

 

_ Guten Abend gute Nacht,  _

_ von Englein bewacht,  _

_ die zeigen im Traum  _

_ dir Christkindleins Baum:  _

_ Schlaf nur selig und süß,  _

_ schau im Traum's Paradies,  _

_ schlaf nur selig und süß,  _

_ schau im Traum's Paradies. _

 

Beca walked back into the room to hear Luisa’s soprano voice coaxing her daughter to sleep and absolutely melted when she perceived the sincerity behind Luisa’s notes. She had no idea what Luisa was singing, but it seemed to work because Bonnie had fallen asleep by the time she got to her. Luisa quieted her singing down as the song died out so she didn’t wake the slumbering child and eased up on the intensity of her bounces until they subsided to a still swaying motion. Beca was more amazed than she was before and she couldn’t help the stupid smile that graced her lips. Luisa kept Bonnie asleep while Beca cleaned the small child up and then laid the baby in her cradle. Luisa wrapped the small child in a blanket and looked up to see a family photo sitting on the small wardrobe. She went to it and picked the frame up to see a familiar figure. Images from weeks ago came back to mind:  _ Dark haired male blatantly making out with a lighter haired male. _ Luisa recognized the man in the photo as the guy she caught kissing another man in the dressing room of The Advent. Then, she noticed Beca was in the picture with Bonnie. “What are you looking at?” Beca questioned, noticing Luisa’s stiffness. Luisa turned around with the photo in her hands and asked with her expression.

“Oh. That’s an old photo of me, Jesse, and Bonnie. Just something we keep in here to look more like a family,” answered Beca, taking the photo from Luisa. Once she heard the name Jesse, pieces clicked in her brain and she just had to clarify one thing before she was sure. “Isn’t Jesse your husband? The Senator of Georgia?” Luisa begged. Beca nodded her head, but she didn’t realize what Luisa had plotted in her mind. She figured out Jesse was also gay and a politician . . . with access to atomic secrets. Luisa just smiled and nodded her head, though she finally knew what she would do with the photos she took: Blackmail for Atomic Secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lullaby Luisa sings ("Brahms' Lullaby) in English:
> 
> Good evening, good night,  
> Bedecked with roses,  
> Adorned with carnations,  
> Slip under the covers.  
> Tomorrow morn, if God wills,  
> You'll awake once again.  
> Tomorrow morn, if God wills,  
> You'll awake once again.
> 
> Good evening, good night,  
> Little angels watch over;  
> In a dream they show   
> You a Christmas tree.  
> Sleep only blessed and sweet,  
> See paradise in your dream.  
> Sleep only blessed and sweet,  
> See paradise in your dream.


	6. Chapter 6

**December 5, 1952**

 

The next week and a half after the party was very different for everyone. When Chloe had first witnessed the interaction between Beca and Luisa, she knew she would have some competition for Beca’s attention. She recognized Luisa had a leg up with how she flustered Beca so often, but Chloe thought she would have some leverage with her being the one closest emotionally to Beca. Any chance she got, Chloe made sure to reinforce the idea with Beca whether it be standing a bit closer to her than Luisa was, or reminding her of funny moments Bonnie had. Beca really didn’t think anything of it because she always knew Chloe to be the clingy type, but Luisa saw what she was doing from a mile away. Luisa had to admit she found Chloe’s attempts a bit funny, but overall annoying so whenever she got the chance, she would fluster Beca with a subtle movement of her chest or hips, which would cause Beca to blush slightly. Essentially, an unspoken feud fueled between the two women where the prize was Beca. Both were confident in their abilities of persuasion, but at the end of the day, it was Beca’s decision ultimately. Chloe wanted Beca’s love, Luisa didn’t. Luisa wanted Beca’s atomic secrets, Chloe didn’t. Only time would solve such a mystery.

For Jesse and Benji, everything was fantastic. They had found each other at the party and hung out with each other for the rest of the night. They were certainly more than friends, but they hadn’t reached the level of saying the “L” word to each other. They were on their way to love at a fairly rapid pace and, given enough time, will be a spectacular kind of love. Jesse noticed how much he was becoming attached to Benji and realized he had to tell Beca of everything. Of his closet case, his new love interest, and how he didn’t love her. Jesse didn’t know Beca had the same problems and vice versa, but the longer they waited to tell each other, the more awkward every kiss got. So that’s why they were going out that night. Jesse had planned to take Beca out for dinner and make her feel comfortable to properly tell her of his gayness. Once Beca thought about the idea for a while, she agreed hurriedly before calling Luisa over. With her and Chloe’s help, Beca had gotten ready in a strapless, white dress that came down to her past her knees. Beca twirled a few times to watch the dress flare up around her and didn’t stop until she felt dizzy. Beca slowed and was about to fall until Luisa got hold of her.

“Must I catch you every time, Maus?” Luisa teased, holding Beca’s waist firmly. Luisa smirked at Beca as she slid her hands ever so slightly down to Beca’s hips. This didn’t go unnoticed by Chloe because a triggered expression overtook her features. Chloe was sitting on the edge of Beca’s bed with Bonnie in her arms, cradling the child comfortably. All she could do was take in the situation and see how Luisa made her advancements in the small battle. “If you keep holding me like this, I’ll only fall for you,” Beca responded, pressing Luisa’s warm palms against her. Ever since she heard the beautiful soprano singing, Beca couldn’t stop the butterflies from invading her stomach and heart when she saw Luisa. Smiling wide, Luisa nuzzled the tip of her nose against Beca’s, an action developed from mild care, before she faced Beca back toward the mirror to work on her hair. “How should I wear it this time?” Beca proposed, looking for a consensus. “Go with a nice bun. They always work with that dress,” Chloe offered.

Beca gazed in the mirror, considered the option, then asked Luisa, “What do you think?” Luisa stared back at Beca through the mirror, eyes slightly sensual, sauntered to her, and ran her fingers through the woman’s hair. Luisa finger combed Beca’s hair over to one shoulder as she looked Beca dead in the eyes. She simply told her, “I think you should leave your hair down. You almost always have your hair up and tonight’s a special night. So why not shake it up?” Luisa settled her hands on Beca’s slender shoulders, their bodies barely separated. Beca visibly shivered at Luisa’s gentle touch but seemed to melt into the front of Luisa’s body. She closed her fists to counteract the heat in her body yet she didn’t mind it at all. Luisa glanced back at Chloe through the mirror as if she was taunting, “Guess who is winning now?” Chloe huffed out a rough breath before getting off the bed and walking to the other two adults. Beca turned her head toward Chloe where all attention was directed and decided, “Alright then. I’ll leave it down.” Luisa grinned triumphantly at Chloe while she went to style Beca’s hair. Realizing her loss, Chloe sat back down on the bed with Bonnie, who was starting to get tired and cranky.

Luisa picked up a few pins and hair clips, directed Beca to hold still, and began to work on the brunette’s hair. While Luisa was pinning things here and there or brushing certain tangles out, Beca paid attention to how much focus Luisa had. The blonde’s face was serious as to implicate a sense of professionalism, yet her eyes told a different story. The blue seemed to be screaming for some form of help with the thoughts of the past flooding the blonde’s mind. Truthfully, Luisa was haunted by what she had gone through and what she had to do to stay alive, which made transitioning to a semblance of a first class lifestyle extremely difficult. So far, her overly sexual mask was working though she had some sickening feeling that Beca would be the only one to see beyond it if she was given the chance. Before both could fully comprehend what they wanted from each other, Luisa had finished Beca’s hair. Beca marveled at how her brown waves were structured and her face surely showed it. The happily shocked smile that graced her lips was something new for all of them, but she disregarded it as she pulled Luisa’s arms around her in a backward hug. This certainly surprised Luisa, though, despite this, she pressed a light kiss to the back of Beca’s ear. Beca squealed childishly at the light contact before letting Luisa take over.

Luisa untangled herself from Beca not because she didn’t like the hug, but because Bonnie started crying and the whines made her jump. Instantly, Chloe tried to placate the child by bouncing her rapidly and whispering to her. None of that worked so Beca told Chloe, “Hand her to Luisa.” Chloe appeared disturbed by the suggestion and after some back talk, she handed the toddler over to Luisa. Bonnie cried until she felt Luisa’s large, soft and warm hand cradle her head and drew in the woman’s naturally smoky scent. Luisa had smoked while Chloe and Beca picked out the dress and the aroma of the cigarette still surrounded her. Bonnie inhaled deeply and only let out small whines occasionally. Chloe was stunned. She had been Bonnie’s caregiver for almost three years now and she hadn’t been able to quiet the child in a matter of seconds. Luisa managed to get the child calmed with her scent alone. Another point for Luisa. When she determined everything was settled, Beca motioned for Chloe to follow her downstairs as she left for her date and trusted Luisa with Bonnie until Chloe could go back. Seeing the two gone, Luisa went and locked the door before she sat down on the bed.

She sat the child up in her arms so she was facing the chitlin fully and watched the baby lift her head to hers. Bonnie was again chewing her tiny fist since she was teething and just stared back into similar blue eyes objectively. Something inside Luisa changed and suddenly, her mask was off. All her pain was written across her face, exposed for only Bonnie to see. Tears formed in Luisa’s eyes at the sight of such an innocent infant and they streaked her face when she realized what world Bonnie had to live in. The big blue eyes set in a chubby little face depicted the pureness of the person Luisa was holding. Luisa cried more as Bonnie reached up and touched her cheek, though slightly wet from saliva. Luisa pressed a long, gentle kiss to Bonnie’s forehead before hugging her tightly. “Oh, sweet child. If only you knew. If only anyone knew. It may not make any sense to you now, but don’t stay silent and submit like I did. The first chance you get, you need to fight for what’s right,” Luisa lamented, looking the small girl in the face. All Bonnie did then was give Luisa a childish peck on the cheek and squabble, “LuLu.”

********

Jesse held out his hand for Beca to help her step out of the car and made sure she was ready before taking her on his arm and heading into the restaurant. They were at the best restaurant in Atlanta, which took him a considerable amount of time to reserve, but that didn’t matter as much as the tense atmosphere developing between the two of them. They both knew this was the time to come out to each other so they could separate if one wasn’t accepting. For Beca, the situation was centered around Bonnie. She wanted to be able to give Bonnie a good life that hopefully didn’t involve a World War and she needed to know now whether she needed to find a job to provide for said life. For Jesse, his insecurity came from his desire to have his best friend back, though he had Benji. The two of them smiled at each other half awkwardly, half decidedly as they approached the hostess stand. Due to their reservation, they were seated immediately. They were given a fresh bottle of wine and left alone for a few minutes while they looked over the menu for their dinner. Occasionally, Jesse would peer up at Beca and Beca would do the same, both considering when the right moment would be.

As time went on, Beca became more awkward and nervous to the point where she started shaking lightly. Jesse glanced up, saw the anxiety, and was about to ask what was wrong when their waiter came back for their food orders. Looking briefly over the menu one last time, Jesse quickly ordered pork chops with scalloped potatoes while Beca ordered simple spaghetti and meatballs with orange slices. Who says adult couldn’t have orange slices? The waiter wrote down their requests before taking their menu to leave them alone. Jesse reached across the table and took Beca’s hand into his. The contact made Beca’s eyes snap up to meet his gaze since she hadn’t expected it. Her anxiety and timidity were present when she tried to say, “So . . . h-how was your day?” Jesse softened his grip and gaze at her shyness, but stayed somewhat hard as to be tangible. She relaxed at the change with his gentle grip convincing her everything was alright though both knew almost nothing was right. They were lying to each other every day and even lying to themselves when they denied telling the lies they told. He could see she was willing to talk normally so he motioned across the room and asked her, “Do you want to dance?”

“S-sure, why not?” Beca responded, thinking the seclusion would help. It was pretty difficult to admit to homosexuality in a heteronormative environment. They stood up with their outfits cohesive to each other and headed to the dance floor. Locking into an embrace typical for dancing couples, Jesse and Beca swayed to the slow tempo of the song the orchestra was playing while they got lost in their separate thoughts on the same topic. He held her waist tentatively and her arms were around his neck. Beca didn’t bury her face in his chest like she used to but she craned her neck to look up at him. He looked back at her with the question in his eyes. She settled on being the first to speak and just began to ramble aimlessly, “Listen, Jess. I know we haven’t really worked out that well since Bonnie was born because of what happened that night. And I wanted to tell you why. So, I know you will probably hate me for not telling you earlier or throw me out of the house, but Jesse . . . I’m gay.” She stopped moving when she finished with her confession and only watched Jesse’s face flicker from one emotion to the next. Shock was first, then thoughtfulness, and finally relief. The relief confused her until he exclaimed, “Oh, thank God!”

Beca was too confused to even ask the question, but she understood when he told her, “Calm down, it’s fine. I’m gay too.” The same shocked expression ran across Beca’s face, but instead of relief being the last emotion, smugness was it. “Answer me this: Are you and that singer . . . Phoenix I think his name was, are you two you know?” Beca proposed, wondering if her original assumptions were correct. Jesse sullenly nodded his head before requesting, “What about you and Chloe?” Beca nearly died of laughter at the sound of it and answered, “Yes, we’ve been at it for about a year, but I think I’m gonna try my chances with the German diplomat’s wife Luisa. I bet she could rock someone’s world.” The two of them shared a hearty laugh they hadn’t felt in years and found the tense air around them had dissipated. They went back to the table happier than they were before and ate their dinner animatedly with some conversation going about who they also believed was slightly gay. Jesse hypothesized most of the Southern Dixiecrats because of how homophobic they were. Then came the ultimate question of their marriage. “What are we going to do now? Now that we’ve figured out we don’t like each other in that way,” Beca asked, preparing to be sent away.

“I think we should stay together for Bonnie,” Jesse offered, wiping his mouth with a napkin. The answer surprised Beca, but she couldn’t stop the relieved gasp that left her lips. “I mean, it is fairly difficult to get a divorce and I don’t want you taking care of Bonnie yourself,” Jesse continued, staring straight into Beca’s eyes. She felt an innate smile spread across her face and she resisted the urge to get up and hug the life out of him. “So we’re going to continue to lie to everyone else about our marriage? Well to the ones who don’t already know?” carried Beca.

“Yes. It’s better this way as long as we promise to tell each other everything.”

“I can live with that. No secrets?”

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to be English Analytical here but:
> 
> The Cold War is defined as a series of confrontations between the US and the Soviet Union. If you notice closely, you can see that the conflict between Chloe and Luisa is symbolic of the Cold War with Chloe being the US and Luisa being the Soviet Union.
> 
> Sorry, not sorry.


	7. Chapter 7

**December 23, 1952**

 

“You can’t be serious?” Pieter had a hard time believing what Luisa was telling him. He held two photos in his hands: one from Washington D.C., the other from a few days earlier. Both had the same person in them, but both told two completely different stories. Pieter couldn’t comprehend all Luisa was telling him. All he could pick out was that Jesse was gay, cheating on Beca, and no one else knew. At first, he couldn’t see the correlation between the photos, but when Luisa explained her idea to him, he lit up like the fourth of July. Sitting in the Thunderbird and heading to the Swanson mansion, the two of them talked their way through the majority of the problems with the plan. Luisa took notice of Pieter’s plain outfit that was all black before she brought her gaze up to his face. She could see the worry written in the crease lines of his face and knew it was because of her spontaneous nightmare from last night. That nightmare which led to her nearly jumping off the balcony of their room because she, “Couldn’t stop hearing the screams. Couldn’t stop the voices in her head.” She felt so guilty for being the cause of his anguish, though she honestly couldn’t stop the trauma.

She forced her gaze back to the crowded road they were on as she clutched her black skirt in her left fist to try and remove the flashbacks coming back to her. To her surprise, Pieter reached over and unballed her hand so he could hold it. The contact was comforting to her and gave her something else to focus on besides her torturous existence in the Soviet Union. “Alright, so we blackmail Jesse into giving us the atomic secrets? That’ll work, but there’s still one problem,” he implicated, glancing at her. Her head whipped around to face him and her grip on their intertwined hands tightened slightly at the sound of a flaw. She had been hardwired to accept perfection and only perfection so hearing of a flaw was triggering. “What could it possibly be?” Luisa questioned harshly. Pieter was careful on his next statement because he was already treading rough waters and he didn’t want to be reprimanded later. “His wife. What do we do about her? I mean, we can’t exactly kill her and she has a daughter whom I’ve seen you’ve grown so attached to.” She thought about it for a second. What was she going to do about Beca? She first had to think of any liabilities the small woman would cause, then how to rid of those liabilities. She only found one: Chloe. She had to get rid of Chloe. The ginger already was biased against Luisa so she’d most likely tell Beca if she suspected something was wrong. With this, Luisa knew what to do. “Don’t worry about her. I’ll handle her, starting today.”

The fake married couple arrived at their destination hand in hand, for more than one reason, and were soon let in by a servant. Pieter went to find Jesse while Luisa went to find Beca, which wasn’t very difficult. She was in the living room with Chloe and Bonnie watching a popular TV show known as  _ I Love Lucy _ . Luisa couldn’t point out the episode but to her, that really didn’t matter. She had to wheedle Beca away from the other two to carry out the small plan she conjured, but she had no clue how to do that. “Hallo, Maus. Baby Maus, Carrot Top,” Luisa introduced, looking to everyone. Chloe looked triggered, but Beca and Bonnie giggled at the nickname. Bonnie prattled like the little child she was, saliva spilling from her mouth, and clapped her hands together. She stood up, walked over to Luisa, and tugged on the edge of her skirt. “LuLu,” she babbled, looking up to Luisa. The older woman bent down and picked the small child up, tickling her stomach playfully. Beca couldn’t help the awes that left her as she watched the adorable scene, but Chloe just glared at Luisa angrily. Luisa sat down next to Beca with the child in her arms while Chloe turned the TV down. She continued to mess with the child as she had a short conversation with the other two women. Beca was wearing a nice red dress that buttoned up the front and matching red flats.

Luisa found the color choice funny, considering where she came from, and couldn’t help the chuckle. “What? Do I really look that bad?” Beca asked insecurely. The blonde looked over Beca’s outfit hungrily before telling her, “No, Maus. You look good enough to eat.” Biting her lip lightly, Luisa met the brunette’s dark blue eyes to see a flush of desire creep into the woman’s irises. A sexual tension was created from this eye contact that made the air in the room seem a lot heavier with the deep breaths Beca had to take in to stay sane. Chloe recognized the situation as one she often caused with Beca when she thought she had an opportunity to go upstairs for half an hour with her boss alone. She knew she couldn’t do much about it, though her temper was telling her otherwise, so all she did was watch in silence. “You don’t know how much I want to eat you,” Beca whispered, dragging her eyes down Luisa’s body. She bit so many places in her mouth she was sure her cheeks would be sore, but she had no other way to simmer the throbbing in between her legs. As if she sensed Beca’s want, Luisa handed Bonnie to Chloe and stood up. “I actually wanted to talk to you, Beca. Preferably alone,” Luisa suggested, motioning to another room. Beca glanced around the room and thought about what the woman was insinuating. “Yeah, sure Luisa. Go upstairs, we can talk there.”

Luisa complied without further question and headed up the stairs to Beca’s room where she wanted her plan to carry out. She almost had no idea what she was doing because she had never done something this drastic. Seduce someone? Yes, but then she killed them. Pretend to love someone? Yes, but then she killed them. Actually have sex with someone of interest? Hell to the no and she certainly didn’t want to kill Beca. As Luisa began to pace to cool her mind, she heard Beca’s footsteps coming from the hall and she knew she had to take action now or never. Beca had just passed by her door when Luisa reached out into the hall and pulled her into the room by the wrist. Immediately, Luisa closed the door, pushed Beca back up against it, and kissed her fiercely. It didn’t take long for Luisa to press her body to Beca’s, but the brunette pushed her away quickly. “Wait a second. You’re married,” the smaller woman pointed out. The blonde huffed out a breath before retorting, “So are you.”

“Yeah, but we worked out our differences and decided it was better to stay  _ together _ for Bonnie.” Luisa felt her heart flutter at the notion of Bonnie’s life being more important than her parents’. “Plus you’re straight anyway,” Beca added, not prepared for what happened next. Luisa’s expression became challenging as she took Beca’s hand and forced it up her skirt to touch her. The move surprised Beca, but her eyes widened more at how wet Luisa actually was. The blonde leaned down and whispered in Beca’s ear, “Does this feel straight to you? Trust me, my  _ husband _ is more like a brother and I would much rather feel  _ your _ hands on me than his.” Beca swallowed hard and gasped audibly at the pure seduction in Luisa’s low voice before she felt soft lips pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the side of her neck and back up to her own lips. She gripped both sides of the other woman’s face to look into the desire filled eyes as she said, “Alright then. But don’t hold back. Give me all you’ve got.” Luisa gave a small nod, then she was all over Beca. The German woman had her partner off the ground in two swift motions and was attacking her neck feverishly. Soon enough, the red dress was being unbuttoned and Beca felt those soft lips start to caress her chest, some tongue peeking out. Her breath left her in sudden gasps and light moans occasionally while Luisa finished unbuttoning her dress, which exposed her naked torso.

Within seconds, the blonde was on top of her and removing the clothing from her body. She took more care this time, though not much with her hands being slightly rough. Beca held Luisa’s lips to her body gently when she felt the cool rush of air against her cold body. Luisa was her only source of heat in this room and she didn’t hesitate to get the woman to her pure form. As soon as Luisa made her way back up to Beca’s lips, the two flipped so Beca could undress Luisa. Starting with the dress shirt, the brunette grazed her hands underneath the white fabric before pushing it up to lay precious kisses up the center of the tan stomach beneath. Hands roamed the rest of the flawless body before the shirt came off over the blonde’s head, lips crashing together again. Both were desperately wanting the other and their bodies made that clear. Luisa’s hips arched into Beca’s and she managed to wrap a leg around one of Beca’s to keep her close while Beca pressed their chests together. The skirt was next, but seeing as it was a skirt, it came off in less than five seconds, leaving their naked bodies behind. “I’ll go first so you know how I want it,” Beca whispered, kissing below Luisa’s ear. Never in her life had Luisa heard someone so seductive yet look so innocent at the same time, it made her want to step up her game.

All her thoughts turned to mush when she felt Beca’s fingers tease at her entrance and press lightly into her clitoris. At this point, words became incoherent and the extent of what she could say was, “Gott, bitte.” Her head fell limp onto the pillows as she let the other woman have at her, allowing herself to be taken. The brunette saw such submissiveness and decided to use it to her advantage. She intertwined the fingers of one of her hands with one of Luisa’s before holding it down to the bed above the blonde’s head. Luisa moaned into the next kisses because she felt Beca enter her with three fingers roughly. She broke away from slender lips only to feel the same lips mark their way down her neck. She didn’t know what Beca was doing until her breasts were smothered with kisses and bites of varying intensity. The hard thrusts into her combined with the tongue circling her nipples drove her up and Beca kept her there for a while. It wasn’t until Beca jabbed her thumb harshly into Luisa’s clitoris that the German screamed, “Gott! Bitte, Beca!” Every thrust came with an accompanying shriek until Beca heaved in a low, sultry voice, “Come for me, Luisa.” Luisa’s grip on Beca’s hand tightened as she felt her orgasm pulse through her and the beginnings of her thighs wet with her fluids.

Beca helped Luisa down from her high with light, meaningful kisses and slowing her pace, but now that Luisa knew what Beca wanted her to do, she was determined to be perfect. Without warning, Luisa flipped them over onto Beca’s back and immediately stuck her tongue in Beca’s mouth. The smaller woman was ready for it as she retaliated in the same way and allowed Luisa in between her hips. Continuing on her own accord, Luisa kissed her way down Beca’s body but bit in sensitive places to make Beca cry out. She glanced back up to see Beca licking her fingers clean and groaning at the taste before she herself got the flavor of Beca stuck on her tongue. Luisa licked Beca’s clitoris quickly, then slowly like she was creating a syncopated rhythm with Beca as the instrument. And the noises that Beca let out definitely sounded like the sweetest tune Luisa had ever heard. Beca’s hands flew to Luisa’s shoulders as she arched off the bed, her blunt nails digging into the soft skin. Luisa kept at her though. She pushed two fingers into Beca and created somewhat of a bassline with her pumps while she used her tongue for the melody. Beca’s moans became the product of this conducting and they all urged Luisa go speed up the tempo for the grand finale. Completely in control, Luisa sucked long and hard on the clitoris in front of her and curled her fingers to hit Beca’s sweet spot. In seconds, Beca came with her high note of, “Luisa—ahhh!”

The blonde stopped her motions but left her fingers to linger inside Beca for another minute so she could be fully coated in the dripping juices. She kissed back up Beca’s pale stomach, placed a kiss on each of Beca’s perky breasts, and then she removed her fingers to suck them clean in front of Beca. Her face read nothing but pure sex and Beca found it hard to not wonder what lied beneath the surface of all that perfection. There was bound to be some flaw within that would give this goddess a sense of humanity. Little did Beca know, Luisa had been to hell and back. And back. And back again. Hell was where she was supposed to call home, the Soviet Union. The scars of these back and forth trips covered her back in a canvas of raised red lines that once bled for mistakes. She never let anyone but Pieter see them, and this was no exception. Luisa rolled onto her back so the old wounds weren’t visible and felt Beca curl up into her side. She wrapped her arm around the brunette to keep her warm and pressed a warm kiss to her forehead. “Where did you come from? Like, more specific than West Germany?” Beca asked suddenly, snuggling closer to Luisa’s shoulder. Luisa looked down into her eyes and only saw invested curiosity. She felt a sort of trust with Beca that she got with Pieter, but this was more intimate.

She couldn’t explain it. Her feelings, her past, nor her identity. All of it she had to lie about to prevent herself from being killed, but now when Beca actually asked, she had considered the answer. “Well, Maus. There’s a lot to that and I don’t want to ruin this with my personal tragedy,” Luisa explained, caressing Beca’s cheek. Beca could see that the answer alone caused Luisa pain so she decided not to pry too much until Luisa was ready. She reached up, held both sides of Luisa’s face, and kissed her tenderly, pressing their foreheads together. With this, a special connection was made that was complete intimacy and in no way sexual, which bordered on romantic. “That’s alright, Lu. You tell me when you’re ready to,” Beca whispered, kissing her again. As a way of saying, “Thank you,” Luisa gave Beca a tight hug and kissed her several times on top of her head. “Okay, okay, I get it. Now I think we should get back downstairs before anyone suspects something,” Beca offered, pulling away from Luisa. The other woman agreed readily and they both got dressed as they stood up. They held hands walking down the stairs but let go when they approached the living room where Chloe was with Bonnie. 

Beca knew because of the connection she just made with Luisa that she couldn’t continue her relationship with Chloe. She hated the idea, but she knew it had to be done because she valued Luisa a lot more now. Chloe was still her best friend, but Luisa was closer in a way. Chloe didn’t need to ask what had happened between the two of them because Beca had a hickey on the side of her neck and when she sat down, another hickey between her legs was visible. Not to mention Luisa had a smug smirk on her face every time she looked in the ginger’s general direction. Chloe couldn’t help feeling slightly betrayed by Beca, but she just hoped that their fling was just a one-time thing and not something permanent. Yet as Chloe watched Bonnie get up from her lap and run directly to Luisa, her dread told her that she was officially forgotten as the housemaid. Nothing more than the replacement mother for her supposed best friend’s child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Chloe. Sorry . . . not sorry.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is long.

**December 25, 1952**

 

Christmas day. The very special day where families gathered to celebrate the religious birth of the Christian savior Jesus Christ. At least before 1950, that’s what Christmas was about. The sparkling economy and rise in consumerism now made Christmas about the gifts we give each other, though religion was still very prominent in society. So, t’was on this Christmas day that the cold wind blew in from the North and ignited a warm fire in the hearth of the Swanson Manor. Over in the kitchen, cinnamon rolls were being baked and the mingling of the sharp, smoky scents of the fire with the sweet, light, aromas of the cinnamon rolls created a pleasant atmosphere for the various guests that came to the small gathering. This was only for the close friends of the couple, or in other words, their actual relationships outside their marriage. Luisa, Pieter, and Benji got there early that morning so there wouldn’t be much waiting before exchanging gifts. As a joke present, Luisa chopped off the tops of about a dozen carrots and packaged them go give to Chloe when she really got the ginger a nice sewing kit, a suggestion by Beca. Luisa and Pieter arrived with armfuls of presents for everyone because Luisa sort of went crazy with the shopping part and left Pieter to wrap them all. They handed the presents to some servants and they went to find everyone else.

Once they found out Jesse was in his study and Beca was just getting up, they went their separate ways until they had to meet again. Luisa joyfully ran up the stairs in her stereotypical housewife outfit of heels, a string of pearls, and white-collared blue dress. She had her hair up in generalized updo with single framing pieces around her face. She first went to Bonnie’s room to find Chloe pulling the child out of her bed. As soon as Bonnie saw Luisa, she went dead weight in Chloe’s arms, which meant she wanted to be put down. Chloe set the child down and went to go wake up Beca. Bonnie ran to Luisa screaming, “Auntie LuLu!” Luisa laughed outright at the little girl as she picked her up and spun her around. The toddler was then suffocated in hugs and kisses from the overjoyed woman before she was taken to her actual mother’s room on the shoulders of her designated aunt. “Momma!” Bonnie squealed, slapping the top of Luisa’s head repeatedly. Beca, only in a robe, walked to the pair with a laugh audible in her voice and she asked, “What are you doing up there? Now, I can’t reach you.” She smiled at Luisa before having her take Bonnie off her shoulders and handing her off to Beca. Beca kissed her daughter gently, greeted Luisa with the same action, and went to get dressed quickly.

She came back a few minutes later with Chloe trailing behind and the lot of females headed back downstairs to await the guys’ arrival for the commencement of gifts. Beca saw the number of presents that Luisa and Pieter brought and gaped at the woman next to her. “You really shouldn’t have,” she informed, holding Bonnie close. Luisa shrugged her shoulders to brush it off like it was nothing, but Beca was left with a shocked expression on her face. Luisa walked to the lit up tree and sat down on one of the couches civilly. Chloe sat down at the opposite end of the sofa her enemy was on so she clearly showed her disliking to the woman. Beca plopped down with Bonnie between the two of them without realizing their feud before letting the small child wander over to the mountain of presents under the tree. A conversation had barely started when the guys came into the room, Benji under Jesse’s arm. Pieter walked over to Luisa, sat on the arm of the couch, and placed a loving hand on her shoulder. She held his hand against her as she leaned up to give him a quick kiss, pressing her forehead against his in what they knew to be a platonic way. She turned away, but kept his hand near, and faced the disgusted look on Chloe’s face. The ginger couldn’t believe the game Luisa was playing, yet she was more furious with Beca for allowing it to happen. She wanted to tell Beca that Luisa was just using her, but she didn’t have any proof, motive, or anything that would substantiate her claims.

Luisa simply smiled at Chloe before she went back to admiring Bonnie’s attempts to tear open the gifts set out before her. The child picked up a box-shaped present and picked at the tape for a while until Beca and Luisa sat on opposite sides of her to help. She unwrapped the first present from her parents to see a classic Barbie doll in an outfit similar to Luisa’s. She took one look at the doll then Luisa and exclaimed, “It’s Auntie LuLu!” All the adults, even Chloe, had a good laugh at the comment because the piece of plastic had a resemblance to the woman with its blonde hair, blue eyes, and perfect figure. From there, they let the small girl have at the presents while they exchanged gifts between each other. Luisa handed Chloe the joke present first, saying, “Merry Christmas Carrot Top.” Initially, Chloe had no idea what to make of the half-hearted phrase until she opened the box and saw the dozen carrot tops. Her expression told everyone that she hated the present, but then Luisa told her, “Underneath those, Chloe.” Hearing her actual name surprised her, though once she saw the sewing kit beneath, she nearly cried. “We may not like each other that much, but that doesn’t mean we can’t respect each other,” Luisa explained, giving Chloe a sincere smile. Chloe couldn’t deny that Luisa was right so she said thanks with an easy nod. Unknown to Luisa, Pieter had gotten her a gift he slipped into his pocket before they left their apartment that morning and he was waiting for the right time to give it to her.

He waited until everyone else was done exchanging to pipe up. “Um . . . Luisa?” Everyone turned to look at him as Luisa stood up and went to him, looking him in the face. He stared awkwardly at the ground as if he was waiting for his confidence to build and she held his face in her hands to adjust his gaze. “What is it, Bärchen?” Luisa coaxed, moving closer to him like a wife would do. Everything they did together was to keep up the facade of being a married couple and this was no different, yet he truly had something to give her. “Well, I’ve been meaning to give this to you for a while since I had found it, but I guess now would be the right time,” Pieter said, holding up the small present he got Luisa. To her astonishment, he had found her mother’s wedding comb she had been given before her mother died during the Great Depression. He held the small piece of metal between the two of them to allow her to look at it. She glanced down and instantly recognized the ivory colored flower piece with pearls, a gasp ringing from her mouth. She lost the hair comb over a decade ago when she was forced to move to America by her father who sold the comb to gain enough money. She hesitantly took the antique into her hand and ran her fingers over the small object to remember the feeling. It didn’t take long before she had pulled Pieter into an emotional hug where she tried not to cry.

After he had explained its significance to the others, they all awed at the emotions between the husband and wife as he helped Luisa put it in her hair. She wiped at her eyes, thinking there were tears, but only found her eyes to be dry. She gave him another hug and kiss before sitting back down with Beca and Bonnie on the floor. “Now that that’s out of the way, I have one more thing to do,” Beca stated, looking to Luisa for confirmation. Ever since Beca had heard Luisa sing to Bonnie, she knew she had to incorporate Luisa into the plan she had. Luisa gave Beca a nod while she picked Bonnie up and began leading everyone into the next room where the piano was. Only Beca and Luisa knew what was happening for they had been working toward this day non-stop for the past three weeks and now was time to show what they had been doing. Luisa set Bonnie on top of the piano like she was a famous singer doing a serenade and sat down next to Beca at the keys. Everyone gathered around them for the performance as Beca announced, “This is for my very special, very adorably chubby daughter, Bon Bon.” Everyone whimpered at the sweetness behind Beca’s words but quickly quieted down when Beca began to play the melody of the piece while Luisa played the simple bass keys. Then Beca sang the first verse:

 

In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

 

In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and the

world is at peace

This miracle God gave to me

Gives me strength when I am weak

I find reason to believe 

In my daughter's eyes

 

Just as Beca was beginning the last half of her song, Luisa came in with her part as an echo to Beca’s heartfelt lyrics:

 

And when she wraps her hand

around my finger  **_(Mit Rosen bedacht)_ **

Oh it puts a smile in my heart  **_(Mit Näglein besteckt)_ **

Everything becomes a little clearer  **_(Wirst du wieder geweckt)_ **

I realize what life is all about

 

Then, to switch the roles, Luisa sang the lyrics and Beca sang the echo that Luisa had to teach her to sing properly:

 

It's hangin' on when your heart

has had enough  **_(Von Englein bewacht)_ **

It's giving more when you feel like giving up  **_(Schlaf nur selig und süß)_ **

I've seen the light  **_(Schau im Traum's Paradies)_ **

It's in my daughter's eyes

 

Finally, the two women looked to each other and sang the last lyrics in unison with each other:

 

In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future

A reflection of who I am and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leave

Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see how happy

she made me

For I'll be there

In my daughter's eyes

 

The piano faded out and everyone was left speechless at the power behind Beca’s lyrics, the angelic sounds of Luisa’s voice, and the emotion with which the song was written from. Pieter had never heard Luisa sing so he was only filled with shock. Jesse and Benji stared dumbfounded at both women, neither able to form a comprehensive response. Benji wanted to say something intelligent, but he ended up fangirling over Beca’s musical abilities. “Dude. I love you wife!” Jesse nodded his head rapidly, looked to him, and said, “Yeah, me too.” Chloe was the only one who wasn’t surprised because she often times heard their practices, and that was when she cried to herself. Bonnie sat on the piano quietly, a quizzical look on her face, and didn’t move until Beca pulled her daughter into her chest. Beca hugged and kissed her daughter so many times, she didn’t know how to express her feelings in words. “You won’t understand me now, but I love you more than you know. I won’t ever hesitate to put you before everything else Bon Bon,” Beca explained, kissing the little girl’s forehead again. Bonnie just smiled at her mother, placed her hands on Beca’s face, and squabbled, “Love Momma.” Beca chuckled a bit, whispering, “I love you too.” Luisa, who had witnessed everything, had tear streaks lining her face and when Bonnie saw them, she babbled, “LuLu crying.”

Since everyone else was more focused on the cinnamon rolls that were brought to the dining room, Beca peered over at her piano companion to see Luisa was crying outright. Luisa looked away to hide her pain, but Beca turned her head back, acknowledging, “Luisa?” Luisa sniffled a bit before she wiped the tears away quickly and pretended she hadn’t been crying, though her anguish was clear in her eyes. Beca moved closer to Luisa and told her, “Luisa, it’s okay to cry now and then. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself to not allow yourself to cry. You can cry in front of me if you think it’ll make you feel less lonely.” With that, Beca set Bonnie on the floor for a second to cradle Luisa’s face in her hands and kiss her passionately, which drew more tears from the blonde. “Thank you, Maus. It’s nice to know someone else doesn’t want to hit me for crying.” Beca was going to ask what she meant, but Luisa had already gotten up and taken Bonnie with her to the dining room with the others. Beca couldn’t help but ask herself, “Why would anyone hit her for crying?”

********

Dinner that night was, to say the least . . . awkward. The places the guests were sitting made the tension tighter. From the head of the table going around clockwise, Jesse started the line, then Benji, followed by Chloe, Beca, Luisa, and ending with Pieter on the opposite side of Jesse. Bonnie sat between Luisa and Beca in a highchair with her own little table. They were eating a typical Christmas dinner, roast beef and all, but almost no one was even focused on the food. Everyone had their own little thought processes going on. Benji and Jesse talked to each other fervently as if they wouldn’t have enough time for it later. Both couldn’t stop thinking about their feelings for the other. They had known each other for about two months and Benji thought he already fell for the senator since he heard about their technical divorce. Benji stared thoughtfully at Jesse as he dispelled all his troubles with Congress and his fellow Dixiecrats before he traced circles on the back of his lover’s hand. Beca caught this action from across the table and gave Jesse a knowing look with the OK symbol to say, “Nice choice, dude.” Jesse glanced back and forth between his boyfriend and his wife with a guilty look on his face that only the two of them could read, which made them both giggle quietly. Beca, on the other hand, was trying not to blush at Luisa’s actions and pay attention to her conversation with Chloe.

Like she couldn’t have been more blatant, Luisa had one hand under the table that was hiked up Beca’s dress and lightly caressing the inside of the woman’s thigh with her fingertips. The gentle touches were enough to make Beca bite her lip and tense up at the wetness coating her. She attempted to say something to Chloe, but all she got out was a small whimper before she sputtered, “So what do you want to do about—shit!” Everyone turned to look at her, even Luisa who was the one causing the outbursts. “I’m fine. I just forgot to do something earlier, nothing much,” Beca excused, giving a harsh glare to Luisa. All the blonde did was smirk until she caught Chloe’s curious look, then she placated her smugness with the feint of innocence. Chloe saw something in Luisa’s eyes which resembled condescendence, but she dismissed the idea reluctantly. Noticing things had calmed down, Luisa made more of an advance by slipping her fingers into Beca’s underwear and pressing into her clitoris. Beca nearly doubled over at the feeling and stifled the groan with a hand over her mouth. While Chloe explained a story of hers, Beca occasionally gave Luisa a deadly scowl to indicate how close she was to coming and to warn Luisa not to let her come. The woman blushed a deep red when she felt the tips of Luisa’s fingers enter her because that was as far as they would go in.

The blondie pretended she was doing nothing and reached across herself to help Bonnie with her food. She kept a regular pace of light thrusts into Beca and her clit while she calmly fed Bonnie her food. Beca saw this and nearly died at Luisa’s nonchalance. She knew this was going to be an awkward situation if the fingering continued so she decided to speed it along by moving forward in her chair. Luisa’s fingers slipped further into her and she did her best to act normally. Luisa added another finger and let Beca grind her clit into her palm with little whimpers escaping now and then. Knowing her best friend well enough, Chloe recognized what was happening in seconds and immediately became furious with both women across from her though it looked like nothing was happening. Pieter didn’t need to ask questions because he saw Luisa’s hand under the table and Beca’s exasperated expression and knew what was going on, though it made him laugh, unlike Chloe. Bonnie finished eating so Luisa leaned over to Beca and, letting her tongue graze Beca’s skin, she whispered, “Go ahead. Come for me, Maus. I want to hear you squeak.” She pushed her fingers quickly into Beca a few times before Beca had come. She let out an embarrassingly loud and airy moan as she bent over the edge of the table. Everyone couldn’t help turning their heads to the clattering of glass plates and silverware to see a red-faced Beca.

The brunette, feeling Luisa remove her fingers slowly, glanced around the table and made eye contact with Jesse. He motioned to Luisa with his eyes and casually made a motion with his fingers to ask, “Did she just?”

“Oh, yeah. Three fingers,” was the silent response of a subtle, rapid head nod and three fingers held up. As a way to calm the awkward situation, he began to laugh like Beca told the funniest joke he ever heard. Soon after, Beca laughed along, then Benji, Pieter, and Chloe (spitefully though). Luisa chuckled too, but she obviously licked her fingers clean in front of everyone, slyly and shamelessly. Just as quickly, the laughter faded to an awkward tension again, anyone looking for a way out of the suffocating tightness. “Oh, look at that! Bonnie’s getting tuckered out. Luisa, come help me put her to bed, please,” Beca interjected, breaking the silence. Both women stood up hurriedly and Luisa took Bonnie in her arms as she followed Beca upstairs. Seeing the plan was to leave ASAP, Jesse wiped his mouth and said, “Chloe, would you mind helping cleaning up? I have to talk to Benji here.” Chloe nodded her head solemnly before taking a few plates into the kitchen to be cleaned. Pieter simply stood up, shook Jesse’s hand, and told him, “Well, I must get going. It was a lovely dinner, thank you. I wish to speak to you at a later date if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah, sure Pieter. No problem. You’re welcome anytime. And I believe you’ll come back to pick your wife up.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll want to stay the night. Plus, she deserves a night with her friends.”

“God, I wish I was as great a husband as you are.”

“I mean, you certainly are a great boyfriend,” Benji chimed in, not meaning to be so revealing. Jesse was so close to just smacking Benji to shut him up, but he knew it was only playful. Pieter left after a short goodbye and Jesse was all over Benji then. Jesse dragged Benji up the stairs and to his room where he instantly pushed Benji against a wall with his tongue deep in the other man’s mouth. Benji groaned into the kiss before reciprocating and grinding his hips.

A few doors down, Beca had Luisa pinned against the wall of the shower, water soaking them both. She was viciously attacking the woman in front of her with an assault of kisses and light squeezes here and there. “Don’t think I won’t get back at you for what you did,” Beca taunted, moving her lips lower on the wet skin. “Oh, I’m hoping you do, Maus,” Luisa retorted, feeling Beca bite her stomach. Beca kissed lower and lower until Luisa’s sudden moan echoed off the tile walls. What a lovely Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Bärchen - Bear
> 
> Mit Rosen bedacht - Bedecked with roses  
> Mit Näglein besteckt - Adorned with carnations  
> Wirst du wieder geweckt - You'll awake once again
> 
> Von Englein bewacht - Little angels watch over  
> Schlaf nur selig und süß - Sleep only blessed and sweet  
> Schau im Traum's Paradies - See paradise in your dream
> 
> The song Beca "writes": "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride
> 
> The hair comb Pieter gives Luisa:
> 
> http://s3.weddbook.com/t4/2/2/8/2286258/sash-brooch-or-hair-comb-ivory-pearl-bridal-silver-pin-or-ooak-hairpiece-floral-leaf-bridal-accessory-vintage-modern-wedding-1950s-retro.jpg


	9. Chapter 9

**January 1, 1953**

 

New Years. The time in which people proclaimed impossible goals that they would somehow achieve within the year. One of these resolutions had to be have more parties, at least for the Mayor of Atlanta it had to be or else Jesse wouldn’t have been there. He and Beca were invited to this New Year’s party obviously to celebrate the new year, but they couldn’t help feeling annoyed by the required socialization. To express some sort of interest in his actual job, Jesse brought Beca with him for someone intelligible to talk to. Plus, he complained about this party to Benji and he found out Benji was the entertainment for the party. So if Beca went off for some reason, Jesse had someone else to keep him sane. Over the past few months, he had grown to hate his job, despite how much it paid. Between the Hydrogen bomb test of November last year, the Korean war that was still going on, and Joseph McCarthy asking him repeatedly if he knew any Communist spies, Jesse had enough of politics. He hated the use bombs, he hated war (as it caused him much psychological trouble in previous years), and he knew he didn’t have any connections to Communist spies. The closest things he knew were Pieter and Luisa, but they were from West Germany and they were diplomats so they had to be a part of the new government, not the past fascist system.

He was left alone in the throng of tipsy senators because Beca disappeared as soon as they got there. That was all she did. She kissed his cheek once and went off to go find somewhere to hide. He didn’t mind, but he wished he could’ve gone with her. The longing gaze he gave her receding figure unknowingly drew the attention of some other wives and made them wonder what was wrong with the Georgian couple. In this time, having rumors spread about someone was bad news. If the wrong rumors got out, this person could be tried for being a Communist and if enough witnesses were willing to lie, they would be found guilty and sentenced to death. This route clearly didn’t click in Jesse’s head as he went and got a drink to sit alone at the bar. Silently criticizing them all, he looked around disgustedly at all the other politicians and their wives in a way that said, “What is the point of this?” The party was too extravagant, too many people were drinking, and too many people were racist, especially south of the Mason-Dixon line. Once Benji explained his reasoning for having all black musicians in his band, Jesse became determined to press more for civil rights legislation to be passed. Though he knew it would take time, he was going to propose new laws that limited discrimination in public areas. 

His new beliefs were considered radical in the sense that civil rights were the least of white Americans’ concerns. Still, he would push for them. He would find a way to worm the topic into mainstream media and he found his way walking in the door right then. President Dwight D. Eisenhower had just shown up to the party since all political figures were invited. What better way to get legislation passed than by asking the President himself for support? Unfortunately for Jesse, Eisenhower was an open racist and even denounced the executive order given by Trueman to desegregate the armed forces back in 1948. Sure, Jesse had no real way of knowing this as the closest contact he had come with the new ex officio was about to happen now. He finished his drink, hopped off his barstool, and meandered around following eyes to find himself standing in front of Eisenhower. Jesse inherently smiled at his boss before extending his hand and greeting, “Mr. President, so nice to meet you.” Naturally, the older gentleman accepted the handshake and responded, “Nice to meet you too, sir. Have we met before?” Jesse shook his head and retracted his hand. He motioned over to the bar so they could sit down and have a chat about the laws Jesse wanted to get passed.

They had gotten their drinks and started talking immediately. “My name is Jesse Swanson. I’m the Senator of Georgia,” Jesse clarified, starting the conversation. “Alright, Jesse. What did you want to talk to me about?” Ike asked, getting to the point. Jesse had to take a deep breath to calm himself before he started. He was walking a thin line of political imbalance that could make or break his career so he was careful with his words. “Well, I’ve had some new ideas for legislation that could really use your support, seeing as not many other Southern politicians would. Now, I’m not asking for full endorsement, I only want to know if you’d think about it.” Jesse stopped short of saying his new idea to gauge Eisenhower’s reaction to what he’s said already and when the half curious, half annoyed look registered within him, he just came out with it. “I think we should desegregate public areas.” While Jesse found the idea splendid, Eisenhower’s face deadpanned in annoyance. It seemed he was drilling angry holes into Jesse’s head with his eyes. To avoid the stare, Jesse peered over at the other side of the bar over his comrade’s shoulder. He saw Benji standing at the bar with a drink in his hand and secretly eavesdropping on their conversation. Benji looked delighted to hear Jesse’s new plan because of his bright smile, but Eisenhower was furious and he was about to make that clear.

“Now, Mr. Swanson. I realize that you are just trying to talk to me about serious matters, but I also realize you have been drinking. No sensible senator worries himself with the concerns of the other race and if you would like to stay a senator, I suggest you amend that statement. Or else, I will have to remove you from office,” Eisenhower scolded, standing up. This caught Benji and Jesse’s attention. If Jesse lost his job, he’d lose the house and his family would have to suffer the consequences. On the other hand, if he took back what he said, he’d probably lose Benji and he didn’t want to lose either one of them. Though the choice was difficult to make, Jesse had to choose his family because he couldn’t stand to lose two lives instead of one. “Did I say ‘desegregate public areas’? I meant to say that I think we should  _ segregate _ public areas more than we already have. Like, segregate the . . . um . . . parks? Yeah . . .  segregate the . . . parks,” Jesse stumbled, hoping it worked. Eisenhower didn’t seem too convinced, but said, “That’s what I thought. Think about what you say next time.” Jesse nodded his head as he watched the President walk away, shaming himself for being stupid. But the extent of his actions was evident in Benji’s hurt expression.

Jesse knew he had to talk to Benji about what just happened so he had Benji follow him to an empty hall upstairs. The first thing he tried to do was apologize, which proved to be very difficult. “Listen, Benji. I’m sorry—”

“Sure you are! Is that why you lied?!” Benji screamed, not able to control his temper. He was too angry with Jesse to reason what was a proper response. He was pissed Jesse didn’t say what he meant, but he knew Jesse had no other option. He didn’t believe his rage was unsubstantiated, merely natural, and the urge to hit Jesse was prominent. “No, that’s not why. I didn’t want to lie, you should know that!” Jesse shouted, provoking the argument. Benji stared at him long and harshly before spinning around and groaning something in Spanish. His temper was not being eased by Jesse’s apologies and it was fairly obvious to the other man. As if some other solution was not possible, Jesse stepped up to Benji and told him, “Hit me. Just take your anger out on me.” The proposition surprised Benji, which explained the sudden stop, but that didn’t mean he was going to let Jesse off easy because he offered to be physically hurt the way Benji was emotionally hurt. “Are you sure? Because I don’t hit softly,” Benji seethed, closing his fists. Jesse nodded his head and closed his eyes to take the beating.

The first hit was the hardest. Right across the face, Jesse doubled over in pain. He could taste blood in his mouth with the iron taste permeating his taste buds. Benji didn’t stop there. The first punch cleared most of his anger, but he was still slightly twisted. He shoved Jesse against the nearest wall and pounded his fists limply into Jesse’s body, his anger getting confused with hurt. He was hurt that his love would say such foul things, hurt his previous love was taken from him, hurt his world wasn’t right. Jesse was more than willing to take this pain as a way to help Benji cope with his feelings, though this would be the only time Benji took advantage of that offer. So Jesse kept himself up, allowing himself to be kicked, punched, and slapped to some sense. Soon, Benji began to cry because he knew he was hurting his current lover, which caused him to stop. Seeing the pain was over, Jesse collapsed to the ground bruised and battered. Apparently, the two caused enough noise to draw someone’s attention and both panicked. Benji looked at Jesse and the injured man groaned, “Go, Ben. Go.” Quickly, Benji ran back downstairs with no one noticing him and acted like nothing happened. Someone found Jesse instantly and called for Beca, who could be heard scurrying from downstairs in the small heels she wore.

She saw Jesse’s condition and immediately ran faster, yelling, “Jesse! Oh my God! What happened?!” She helped him up, supporting him with her shoulders, and simply followed his instruction of, “Let’s go home.” She pulled him out to their car and the chauffeur drove them to the Swanson Manor with no rush. Jesse was hurt pretty badly, but he insisted on not rushing. Beca couldn’t believe what happened and all she could ask was, “Who did this?” Jesse was going to explain it to her, but not in the car so he pulled her under his arm and rested his head on top of hers, kissing her crown gently. “It’s okay, Becs. Just as long as you and Bonnie are safe,” he whispered. She wondered what Bonnie had to do with his injuries, then chocked it up to be something political, which meant she shouldn’t question it. She laid her head on his chest, hugged him around the waist lightly, and sighed heavily. Just thinking about keeping Bonnie safe with the secret they were hiding from everyone else took a toll on the two of them, but they were willing to endure most things for the sake of their daughter. They were barely thirty, but it felt like they were having a midlife crisis. The emotional insecurities, the overwhelming worry, and the growing love for their separate partners created a world where they felt the couldn’t mess up or else they lost everything. Including Bonnie.

They arrived home and Beca pressed a loving kiss to Jesse’s forehead before helping him out and inside the house. Chloe was holding Bonnie and when she saw Jesse’s wounds, she sort of recoiled in fear. “Calm down, Chlo. Just put Bonnie to bed please and thank you,” Beca reassured, dragging Jesse upstairs to a bathroom. She pushed open the doors and had him sit down on the toilet with the lid down while she got the first aid kit. Chloe came in soon with a small bag of ice at Beca’s request, but then she was sent away. Chloe found it annoying because she just wanted to help, though she couldn’t help but notice how much more Beca wasn’t being as interactive with her since Luisa came into their lives. She hadn’t been allowed to touch Beca intimately since before Christmas and it made her wonder whether Beca and Luisa were actually together. The thought brewed in her mind while she went to her own room for bed. Beca had Jesse hold the ice to some of the bruises on his body as she soaked a cotton ball in isopropyl alcohol to disinfect the wounds. She ran the wet ball over the cut on his lip and he winced at the pain. “Sorry, I just have to or else it’ll get infected,” Beca soothed, sitting on the edge of the tub. She finished tending his wounds and before long, she asked for the story. He explained what happened in brief detail to not give away too much personal information. “To be fair, you kinda deserved it then,” she observed, being honest.

“No, it’s fine. I know. It’s just I don’t know if he’ll forgive me now,” Jesse whined, moving the ice to his head. Beca got up to put the first aid kit away, packing the things back in the plastic box, and asked him, “Well, do you love him? Benji, I mean?” Jesse looked away to ponder the question. Did he love Benji? He always smiled when he saw or thought of the singer, but were those sexually driven or romantically driven? He couldn’t figure it out. “What is it supposed to feel like? Love? I’ve never been in love before,” Jesse confessed to the woman he was supposed to be in love with, according to society. Beca sat back down on the edge of the tub, took his hands in hers, and told him, “I don’t know, Jess. I’ve never been in love before either, but from what I can tell from the movies you’ve made me watch a dozen times over, love is supposed to be this longing you get when the one you love isn’t around. Love is supposed to be the want to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your lover. Love is supposed to be . . . love.” Jesse took in all his wife was saying, then suddenly, he realized what happened. He fell in love with Benji. “Yes, Beca. I . . . love Benji. I love him,” Jesse whispered, smiling widely. He jumped up to his feet with the resolve to make up with Benji and tell him of his love within the month.

“Wait . . . what about you? Are you in love with Luisa?” Jesse asked, becoming concerned with Beca’s love life. Beca thought about what she said, what Jesse said, and all she could come up with was, “I . . . I-I don’t know yet.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late, a tad bit longer than I expected, and in general angsty.

**Georgia, January 16, 1953**

 

“Don’t you ever think there’s something more waiting for you? Like, you’re only going through hell now to get your place in heaven? I know it sounds completely crazy, but I think you might be the heaven I’ve been waiting for.” There were so many things Luisa wanted to say out loud to Beca, but she never knew how to say them without making a fool of herself. Call her a coward and she would’ve believed it. She knew the difference between cowardice and bravery, but she never thought of herself as being the latter. She had run away from herself so much, she almost didn’t know who she was anymore. Except when she was with Beca. The smaller woman had a way of bringing the sense of humanity back to Luisa and furthermore, her emotions. Luisa had been so cold and numb for years since she learned it was best to be so. Though, when it was just her and Beca together, lying in the massive queen bed wrapped in silk sheets in the middle of winter, she couldn’t deny the warmth she got from holding Beca in her arms. Naked fronts pressed together, Luisa held Beca against her like the brunette was the only thing keeping her alive. She gently kissed the sleeping woman’s forehead and held her lips there for a second before whispering, “Please don’t let this heaven be a dream.”

Beca didn’t wake nor stir, which Luisa took as a sign she could leave, and when Beca turned over onto her other side, Luisa knew she could leave undetected. She untangled herself from Beca and sat up, resting her head in her hand. She glanced at the French doors with their delicately gossamer white curtains that led to a balcony and decided she needed to get her mind off of everything. She threw on her undergarments, her dress shirt from the night before, then glanced back at Beca. She was still sleeping deeply but looked like she could wake up any second. Luisa sighed as she reached for a cigarette, placing it between her lips, and lit a quick match. She held the flame to the end of the cancer stick to light it before shaking the match out. She took a quick drag just staring at her sleeping lover and forced the smoke out of her lungs. Holding the cigarette between her lips again, Luisa gathered her hair into a loose updo and used her ivory hair comb to hold it together as she headed to the balcony. She stood a minute smoking. She believed she was too messed up in the head for any good to come out of anything she did and clearly wasn’t thinking straight when she opened the French doors and walked out onto the balcony in the cold. It was about forty-seven degrees outside, but she didn’t mind because she knew she was colder.

The blonde left the doors hang open as she padded to the edge and leaned onto the railing. With every drag she inhaled, she managed to forget her troubles, but that bliss was short lived because she had to release it eventually. She knew what happened to her in full detail, yet forgetting even the tiniest of details seemed impossible. She looked out to the grey cast sky in the distance cut off by the harsh line of the trees followed by acres of frosted green grass. So serene to the normal eye, but a luxury to her. She was living a lie and simple scenes like these only reminded her of such. The realization made tears sting her eyes like the smoke stung her lungs. That’s when she felt a body press against her back and a blanket wrap around her midsection. “You know you’ll catch a cold in what you’re wearing. Or should I say not wearing?” It was Beca. Luisa chuckled, blinking away the tears, and straightened up so Beca was flat against her. Beca nuzzled her head into the back of the blonde’s shoulder while she wrapped the blanket tighter around them. “Well, Morning Maus. It seems you’ve finally caught the cat,” Luisa joked, trying to bring some joy. The brunette laughed into the shoulder she was resting on before she stood on her tiptoes and whispered into Luisa’s ear, “I didn’t know it was so easy to capture someone like you.”

Luisa froze instantly. She couldn’t move suddenly. She was glued to her place on the balcony by Beca’s statement. Flashbacks of her captivity came back in a rush and she couldn’t stop them. She tensed up so badly she ended up crushing what she had left of her cigarette between her fingers. Her breathing became ragged and her heartbeat quickened to an inhumane pace as her eyes bugged out and became glassy with terrifying memories. She inherently began to quiver at the horrors of her past and her skin dimpled with goosebumps, despite the warmth from the blanket. “Luisa? Are you alright?” Beca asked, becoming concerned for her lover. The question didn’t register correctly in the blonde’s mind as her response was, “Screams. Nothing but screams and starvation.” This alarmed Beca more and she couldn’t stop herself from dropping the blanket and rushing around to Luisa’s front. She looked up to Luisa’s face, but all she saw was reminiscent terror and fear. Luisa couldn’t see or hear Beca for her mind was clouded by the many flashbacks surfacing. All she could hear were the screams of innocent victims and herself. All she could taste were her tears and the rags used to gag her. All she could see was the wall she was chained to for punishment. Nothing could bring her back.

As if acting on impulse, Luisa smashed her cigarette butt in the nearby ashtray and turned to walk away. Beca was confused about what Luisa was doing, but she managed to yell, “Luisa, stop!” Luisa did as she was told, but it wasn’t Beca she was hearing, she was hearing her commander from her time in Soviet captivity. Since she couldn’t distinguish reality from imagination, she followed her protocol and got down on her knees. She sat back on her bare heels but planted her hands firmly on either side of her, her head hanging low in tense concentration. “Please, sir. No more. I’ll obey, I swear,” she pleaded, feeling an old throbbing develop in her back. Beca walked up to Luisa and questioned, “No more what? Luisa! You’re scaring me.” The brunette was deeply concerned for her friend and Luisa’s responses weren’t helping. The incapacitated woman simply answered, “I’m yours to punish. I am nothing but a slave to your will.” Then, out of nowhere, Luisa stripped off the unbuttoned shirt she was wearing to reveal her back, which was covered top to bottom with whipping scars of varying severity. The pink, slightly raised lines in chicken scratch patterns told a story of torture and horror that Beca gasped audibly at. Luisa’s lightly tanned flesh had been torn by countless whip lashes in which time was the only cure for the physical wounds. Her emotional and psychological scars still had yet to close, they were still bleeding.

Beca started to cry at the sight, but Luisa remained catatonic on the floor as she waited for the old torture to be inflicted upon her once again. Beca fell to her knees in front of Luisa, cupped the woman’s face, and made eye contact with her. “Luisa?” Luisa’s eyes were spaced out to the point of her pupils being the only thing Beca could see. Almost as instantly, Luisa broke eye contact and shook her head to remove Beca’s hands from her. “No, I-I’m not Luisa. I’m not anyone. I’m Number 4568. Nothing more than digits,” Luisa denied, looking down into her lap. Beca looked down Luisa’s back again, her fingers lightly grazing the scars, and choked back tears as she asked, “What happened to you?”

********

**The Soviet Union, June 1945**

 

“4568! Shut up and eat! This is no time for talking!” The commanding officer shouted, shooting his harsh gaze at Luisa. She had been under Soviet control for a little over a month and she still hadn’t learned all of the rules, one of which was no talking during meals. She was stuck in a Soviet Gulag for her  _ spy training _ as Stalin had told her it was going to be. She had been reduced to a number, but she still knew who she was on the inside. Little did she know how much she’d need to learn to forget her sense of humanity in order to survive. She grimaced at the officer before she turned back to the measly amount of food on her tray and snickered under her breath, “There’s never any time for anything with you people.” The official didn’t hear what she said, but he knew a smart-ass remark when there was one and he didn’t take the disrespect lightly. Other prisoners knew what coming for her just based off the wild look in the man’s eyes, though they couldn’t warn her even if they wanted to. They had faced the same punishment before and didn’t want to risk getting more. One time was enough for them to learn their place in this camp.

The man in authority sauntered to Luisa and pulled her up out of her seat with a strong, cold hand clasped to the back of her neck. She clenched her fists with a fork in one of them as she berated her. “Oh, so you don’t like the standards we set here?” It was more of a question than an insult and while she shouldn’t have answered, she craned her neck to look at him in the face before insulting, “It doesn’t look like you have many.” This made the officer extremely pissed off. She could see the rage building in his face and decided to take action before anything could happen. She took the fork she had in her hand and jabbed it backward and into the guy’s leg. He let go of her neck for a split second to double over in pain, blood staining his pants. She saw her opportunity and started to run in the opposite direction, but she ran into other officers who saw the arising conflict. She got knocked back down to the ground on her back and made to get up. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe because of the grip on her neck and she was lifted to her feet and higher by the man she stabbed. There was nothing but pure anger in his actions, all of which were in some way hurting Luisa.

He stared up at her slowly reddening face before smirking evilly and turning to his comrades. “Oh, we’re going to have fun with her.” She was close to passing out as seen by her spasming and the Soviets quickly got her in chains to take her to punishment. As she was dragged by the chains around her wrists, she was wondering what punishment she was going to receive until she was shoved into a dark room with nothing more than a few candles as lighting. She tumbled to the ground and didn’t know what was happening until she felt hands on her. They were trying to undress her and she wasn’t having it. She squirmed to get away from the few soldiers there, but then she heard a harsh, “Hold her down. I’ll do it.” Luisa couldn’t see anything but the silhouettes of the people around her, yet she knew exactly what this would look like if there lights. She found her wrists held down by the chains with her legs individually held down by two different soldiers. She couldn’t move besides the twisting of her torso and this was her ultimate fault. The charging officer who had the bloodstain on his pants started with her shirt, his cold hands trailing her warm skin before he ripped open the garment viciously. He finished tearing the article off her top half, which left her half-naked and went to her pants. He wanted to take his time with these to lengthen her punishment in the slightest and it seemed to work because she bucked at the minimal touch of his hand at her waistband.

He laughed maniacally as he tore the front half of her pants open and pressed his frozen, violating hands to either side of her hips. She moved to try and get his hands off her, but she started to cry as her attempts because futile. He slid the pants down her legs slowly, then once he had them off, her naked body was on display for all four men. She closed her eyes on instinct and just heard the comments they made. “I can see why they chose you. Are they sure you aren’t here for us?” was what one man said. Another snapped, “Does anyone mind if we take turns with her?” It was at this that the leading officer stopped them and scolded, “No matter how much I would love to make this bitch pay, she’s not here to be a mother. Remember that.” The men backed off with their verbal assaults and followed the orders of securing her to the wall facing the vertical structure. So she was left naked in the dark with no way of knowing what they’d do to her now that she was vulnerable. She might’ve been saved from rape then, but what about when her back was turned? She couldn’t get out of her metal restraints nor could she muster the strength to rip the wall, which left her susceptible to the worst forms of torture. The other men were ordered out of the room and only the commanding officer was left with the naked woman.

He grabbed his choice of punishment and went to her with it in his hand. He grabbed the little bit of blonde of blonde at the back of her head since she had to cut her hair into a pixie cut and pulled her head back to see the sneer on his face. Her face was wet with tears and dripping with terror, the latter of which pleased him. He removed his hand from her hair before smacking her clear across the face because he was trying to teach her that crying wouldn’t help anything. “You need to learn your place, wretch! You disrespected an officer of your Soviet country, and now you must pay,” he spat, the smell of cigarettes permeating her sense of smell. She flinched back at the horrid scent (One she would come to crave as a reminder of her place as a lowly nobody subject to any form of punishment) and couldn’t help the tears that escaped. He slapped her once more before assuming his position behind her. His canvas for his bloody art was Luisa’s back and his medium was the whip in his right hand, ready to inflict the punishment. He gave no warning for when he would start, though the sudden crack of the whip against her back was a pretty good indication. She screamed painfully loud as she felt her skin tear open with the first welt of many to come. Then he did it again. And again. And again, all accompanied by her terrified shrieks and never-ending stream of tears.

She pulled desperately at her chains to get away, but she couldn’t move from her spot on the ground. “Please, sir. No more. I’ll obey, I swear,” she pleaded, burying her face in her arms. He cried as hard as she could, but the tears didn’t help remove the pain she would forever bear. She found that closing her eyes helped to remove the pain because she didn’t have to face her tormentor. Nor could she see the 6 new lashes in her back that bled profusely, the throbbing a new sensation for her. “That’s what I thought. Disrespect me or anyone else again, and I won’t be so merciful,” he warned, breathing into her ear. With that, he turned and left her there for she had to fully register her actions before someone came to get her. She should’ve heeded his advice, but her desperation to leave the place only earned her more lashes, more pain, more scars. Eventually, she gave up. She committed herself to a life of submission and for even the tiniest infraction, she placed herself on her knees in front of her commanding officer, telling him, “I’m yours to punish. I am nothing but a slave to your will.” When he asked if she knew her name was Luisa, she simply responded, “No, I-I’m not Luisa. I’m not anyone. I’m Number 4568. Nothing more than digits.” Those words and those scars were forever branded into her mind with the hope she would learn how to behave and submit to her authority.

********

**Georgia, January 16, 1953**

 

Beca couldn’t speak. She had no words to describe the agony she felt just hearing about Luisa’s torturous past. Luisa remained catatonic on her knees, head hung low with eyes closed. She was only recalling events but she still felt the pain of them course through her veins. Beca wiped at her face to rid of some of the tears before scooting closer to Luisa and clutching both sides of the victim’s face with her nimble hands. She adjusted the head she held to face her and began to kiss the delicate lips gently. “Please come back to me, Luisa,” she pleaded, pressing her forehead against Luisa’s. Luisa’s brow knitted together when she felt Beca kiss her again and again, freezing at the cold contact. She felt her body tense up at the interaction because her mind was still wandering the tundras of the Soviet Union in the late 40’s. A few long strands of hair fell from Luisa’s makeshift updo and Beca pushed those back behind Luisa’s ear with a passionate kiss to the woman’s lips. “Please, please, please, Luisa. Come back. Come back,” Beca begged, breaking down to tears again. She removed her hands from Luisa’s face so she could await some response, but all she got was, “A good soldier feels no hunger.” The statement was surprising enough for Beca to question it internally, but it wasn’t until Luisa crawled back into the room and collapsed onto her back that Beca truly asked.

Luisa lied perfectly still on the floor of the bedroom as Beca hurried to collect the blanket and shut the doors. When she got back to Luisa, she noticed her friend was colder than ice, probably from being outside in the below fifty-degree weather. She immediately threw the blanket over Luisa and cuddled next to her to use body heat to warm her up. It was then that Beca realized how thin Luisa was, despite her height, and couldn’t help but wonder, “Why are you so skinny?”

********

**The Soviet Union, September 1947**

 

She knew she was in deep trouble. There was no other way to explain it. She had been stopped from entering Увеселительный зал, or The Eating Hall. She knew now not to question any of the Soviet’s actions because it would only get her punished. She didn’t raise her eyes, she didn’t fight, and she didn’t seek help. She let the commanding officer take her aside to allow other prisoners into the cafeteria while she was taken to a secluded room. All there was in the room was a bed and a small window which was barred over and showed the snowy wasteland beyond the thin wall. She was shoved into the room, then fell to the floor on her side. “This is your room for the remainder of your stay, if you live to see the end of it,” the officer told her, slamming and locking the door behind her. She stood up and walked to the window that was about at her head to stare into where she was forced to call home. She looked at the bed with its metal frame and lumpy mattress before turning around to see the other wall was purely bars. She figured out that this would be the last test the Soviets put her through before she was one of them. None of the soldiers who commanded her didn’t have to go through the trials she did because she was a special soldier (Spy, without saying such). She had to survive or die. What the test was extreme starvation.

She would have to double her workload while also not eating. This induced eating disorder was made to preserve resources overseas when she would go on a mission so she could go months without food. At first, it wasn’t that hard to keep up with everyone else, but once the deep starvation set in, she was tortured again. Six weeks later, she found herself lying awake in her bed with nothing but the empty feeling in her stomach. She knew she didn’t have a heart anymore, but now she also didn’t have a stomach. The threats to her survival came when the low rumble of her stomach came in the middle of the night. They just ate away at her like a parasite. This would kill her, she was sure of it. There was no way of surviving this without auto-cannibalism and she certainly wasn’t turning to that. So she let her insides eat themselves while trying to ignore the fact of what she was doing to herself. She curled into herself on her side and started to shake not because of the cold (She had gotten used to temperatures of below thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit), but because she was scared. She was scared of what would happen next, of what would be done to her if she succeeded, what would happen if she died. Death scared her the most, success next, and finally, she scared herself. She had no sense of who she was anymore because she had been morally, mentally, and now physically degraded.

The loud closing of her metal door made her jump slightly, but she rolled onto her back with her face pointing toward the ceiling. A man she vaguely remembered was standing beside her and she didn’t recognize him until he spoke. “Ah! So this is the one I caught years ago!” Stalin. He had come to check on her progress and see if she was ready. He looked over her body to take in the nimble limbs, thin face, and stoic position. He looked her in the face before asking, “Who are you?”

“I’m not anyone. I’m Number 4568. Nothing more than digits.” Her voice was low and sounded robotic, all of which Stalin enjoyed. “What are you?”

“I am nothing but a slave to your will.” Her tone implicated how serious she was and indirectly showed how much she had been fed lies in the past years. “So, are you hungry?”

“A good soldier feels no hunger.” He smiled at her response and ordered her to stand up. She complied robotically, standing in attention, and heard the door open and close again. Stalin motioned to the man who entered and told Luisa, “Number 4568, meet your new partner . . . Pieter.”

********

**Georgia, January 16, 1953**

 

Luisa finally opened her eyes to the white ceiling of Beca’s bedroom. She had told Beca of her suffering without revealing the fact she was a spy and the confessions brought her somewhat at back to the present. Her pupils were still blown wide somewhat and her blue irises were at least visible, if not fully. She tried to move out of subconscious ability and could only wiggle her fingers or blink. Beca cleaned up her tears again before she propped herself up on her elbow and turned Luisa’s face toward hers. Beca pressed her lips to Luisa’s in a hopeful kiss she wanted to bring Luisa back to the present, to  _ her _ . With every kiss, Luisa seemed to realize where she was and what to do. She lifted her hand to hold Beca’s waist and the other one to hold Beca’s face. Then she reciprocated the kisses one by one. Once Luisa had regained full control of her body and Beca knew this, Beca pulled away to see Luisa’s eyes were back to normal. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of what happened to you,” Beca whispered, relaxing her forehead against Luisa’s. The blonde cradled Beca’s cheek in her palm as she pulled the brunette closer to her for a kiss. “Thank you, Maus. Thank you for bringing me back.” This was the moment Beca had a shift inside her. She felt her heart thump faster at every one of Luisa’s caresses and knew what happened.

“What day is it?” Luisa randomly asked, settling back down on the floor. Beca looked at her with a perplexed expression before she thought about it and said, “January 16.” The taller woman considered the answer for a second before saying casually, “Oh! I turn thirty today. Just realized that.” Beca’s jaw dropped at the statement, but she managed to ask, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I would’ve gotten you a present.” Luisa simply smiled and turned on her side to bury her face in Beca’s chest before saying, “I don’t need presents, I just need you.” Beca felt her heart flutter at Luisa’s declaration but held the slightly older woman against her gently. She kissed the top of Luisa’s head and admitted her true feelings.

 

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luisa's number wasn't random. Her number: 4568
> 
> 45 - The year she was captured (1945)  
> 68 - What number person she was (She was the 68th person the Soviets captured)


	11. Chapter 11

**Georgia, January 22, 1953**

 

While the North was still getting snow storms and ten inches of snow every other day, the South was beginning to look a lot like spring with the clear nights and warmer days. Especially on this night. The sky was a navy blue silk blanket laid across the universe with the delicacy of a tailor fashioning a great suit for a noble and the stars were simply sparkles dusted like angels watching over little children as they slept. Jesse couldn’t have found a more perfect night. He was going to apologize to Benji tonight and do it right. Over the months he knew the singer, Jesse found out important details that only a boyfriend would know. Benji apparently had a fascination with astrology and what other galaxies laid beyond what the inhabitants of Earth had already figured out. So how could Jesse pass up the opportunity to impress his lover with knowledge of said lover’s favorite subject outside of music? Jesse had spent the last few weeks reading everything he could about constellations, to the legends behind them. Between his visits to Congress and general busy schedule at home, Jesse had barely enough time to book a dinner reservation and even ask Benji to accompany him.

Of course, Benji was still very cross with the senator for his remarks about racial segregation, but he eventually rationalized that Jesse could’ve been fired if he continued to speak. He also knew how much was on the line if Jesse lost his job with Bonnie and Beca being completely helpless without him. So, Benji agreed to meet with Jesse, but only if he was there to apologize profusely and beg for his forgiveness, as the performer put it. When Jesse picked him up in a limousine early on in the night, Benji knew Jesse was serious about their date. The white leather seats and expensive inner wood paneling both told Benji he should just forgive Jesse then and have make-up sex immediately, but his curiosity got the better of him. He wanted to see what Jesse planned for the two of them to get an idea of how much he meant to Jesse. Benji reached over the center console and held Jesse’s hand in his. Without hesitation, Jesse gripped Benji’s hand back and glanced at him with a genuine sort of smile that hinted at more feeling than before. This was Benji’s first indication that Jesse saw him as more than a friend or fling. As Jesse drove downtown to a very fancy restaurant, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he loved Benji. Once he (and Beca) noticed how much he was doing for Benji, he knew he had the love sickness bad.

His overall sappiness had become unbearable to Beca, though she admitted to Jesse about finally falling in love with Luisa. When she had started to become as sappy as he was, he teased her about it nonstop, which she did not appreciate. Sitting next to his lover, Jesse had to force himself to keep his eyes on the road in front of him instead of constantly looking at Benji for some indication of forgiveness. To relieve this mild insecurity, Benji kept his steady gaze on Jesse all the way to the restaurant with no other contact than their entwined hands. The restaurant was a traditional Puerto Rican eatery and Jesse chose it specifically for Benji. “For a taste of home,” Jesse explained, bringing Benji to its entrance. He knew the other man was a Puerto Rican immigrant from before WWII and also knew how much the man missed his home country. Benji awed at the emotional significance before he stepped closer to Jesse and kissed him without anyone noticing. “Thank you. But this doesn’t mean I forgive you,” Benji warned, pulling Jesse into the place by the hand. As soon as they were in the door, the singer was immediately at home because of the familiar scents filling his nose.

A Spanish-speaking host greeted the two of them and instantly recognized Benji. “Ah, we have Phoenix Havoc with us tonight! I see you’ve brought a friend! Now follow me this way to our most prestigious table for our most prestigious guest and friend,” the host declared in Spanish, motioning for the two to follow him. Benji understood what he was saying, but since Jesse didn’t, he simply pulled the other man along with him to a secluded corner of the restaurant where a single table with a single candle for lighting sat. Benji awed at the romantics of the event, though that wasn’t exactly what Jesse planned, and went to sit down. As common courtesy, Jesse pulled out Benji’s chair for him and pushed it back in when he sat down. “Such chivalry. I bet you’re gonna give me a nice, hot meal and even tip the waiter,” Benji sassily remarked, running his hand down Jesse’s arm as he walked to his own seat. Jesse couldn’t help the small blush that crept to his cheeks, but he sat down across from his lover carefully. He wanted to do everything perfectly tonight. He wanted to have a nice meal he’s never had before, explain things he’s never understood before two weeks ago, and get back Benji’s affections. No big deal. At least to him, it was.

The waiter soon came out with the menus and asked them for their orders. Since Benji was the only one who could read and speak Spanish, he just ordered for the both of them. Their glasses of wine were brought out soon after and they sat there talking and drinking until their food came out. They touched on topics normal couples do: their days, work, and even politics. But when the question of what their relationship was at the moment came up, both tensed at the thought of losing the other for they had both fallen but hadn’t confessed their feelings. So they were treading over thin ice to reach the other side of the lake. “Listen, Benji. I know I shouldn’t have said those things back at that New Year’s party, but—”

“Jess . . . calm down,” Benji interrupted, placing his hand caringly over Jesse’s. Jesse’s eyes snapped up from the intense stare he was giving the napkin in his lap to Benji’s compassion-mongering eyes. “I know how sorry you are and honestly, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have hurt you the way I did, that was . . . unnecessary. I was angry and couldn’t control myself. I hope  _ you _ can forgive me.” Jesse’s eyes filled with tears as he smiled at his boyfriend with all the forgiveness in the world. He couldn’t believe he had done it.

Their food was set in front of them and the waiter noticed the warm tension between the two men. Deciding to leave them alone, the waiter walked back to the other room to take care of other tables in need of service. With no one else in the room, Jesse knew he could completely make up with Benji. He took Benji’s hand and pulled him up a set of stairs to a balcony that overlooked a large courtyard with casa blanca lilies in abundance. Benji gasped at the simple beauty of the evening with the crystal dark blue sky above and field of beautiful flowers below. He looked around him once more before turning to Jesse, who took both of Benji’s hands in his. Jesse looked into Benji’s eyes before he stated, “Proxima Centauri is approximately 4.25 light years away from us, but as long as you’re here with me, I couldn’t look at any other star that shines as brightly as you do.” Benji’s heart went aglow at the astrology facts and even more at the compliments Jesse was giving him, but he didn’t stop Jesse from continuing. “In fact, without you, I’m just the Little Dipper lost in the sky because I need the Big Dipper to show me the way. And just like a comet, I’ll always come back to see you. I may not be Halley's comet, but you can call me Benji’s comet so you know I belong to you and only you.”

Benji awed at the sincerity behind Jesse’s words and facts before he blushed and moved closer to Jesse. Jesse resisted the urge to kiss Benji as he finished, “If I had a star for every time I fell for you, I’d have an entire galaxy in my hand. Plus, I don’t see any stars as hot as you. Joking aside, I have to tell you . . . I love you, Benji Applebaum.” Jesse punctuated his confession with a firm kiss to Benji’s lips and a light squeeze of his hands. When he pulled away, Benji was smiling so widely, only one response was necessary. “I love you too Jesse Swanson.” At this, they pulled each other into a tight hug of nothing but refound love and affection. “Now should we go back and eat? Because I have no idea what this food tastes like,” Jesse offered, motioning back down the stairs. Benji nodded his head before following the senator to their plates of traditional Puerto Rican food. They spent the majority of the night at the restaurant just drinking and talking. Soon, the alcohol kicked in and lust filled their loving heads but went lower to physically appear. It wasn’t another minute later that Jesse had paid for their food with an extremely big tip and they were in the car going back to the manor. As soon as they were upstairs, Benji attacked Jesse’s lips with vicious kisses and pushed him down the hall to a random door.

Their bodies ground against each other’s, which created a commotion and alarmed the two women inside. Not caring, the two men continued their actions with Jesse against the door. He reached for the handle and opened the door. He stumbled backward into the room and it wasn’t until Benji stopped his actions that Jesse turned to see who Benji was staring at. Beca and Luisa were on Beca’s bed, completely naked, and Luisa had a lit cigarette between her fingers as she took it from her lips to release the drag she took. Luisa was resting on top of Beca with the smaller woman’s hands around her shoulders and looked at the two men when they came in. She rolled off Beca with a laugh and laid on her side to face the guys, the cigarette going back to her lips. “Well, this is a pleasant surprise, Maus,” Luisa quipped, nodding her head to Jesse. Beca glanced at her husband, then at Benji, and sat up. Neither woman even made an attempt to cover themselves for they both knew they were in no danger of being preyed upon because both men were gay. “So I’m assuming the date went well? Or is about to go well,” Beca pointed out, noticing the boners of both men. Jesse and Benji looked down at themselves before they shrugged and left, going to Jesse’s room for the rest of the night.

Beca laid down on the bed beside her companion with a small breath. She turned to Luisa, who was casually smoking the last of her cigarette and holding her head up with her other hand tangled in her hair. She just admired the older woman’s features before cozying up into her warm front. She wrapped her arms around Luisa’s waist and buried her face in the crook of Luisa’s neck to enjoy the warmth radiating from her partner. She knew she kind of already told Luisa that she loved her, but since Luisa didn’t respond the first time, she thought it was best to wait until she was ready to tell her lover. Beca closed her eyes and kissed the lightly tanned collarbone in front of her face with an unexpected gentleness. Luisa finished off her cigarette, put it out in the ashtray behind her, and released the smoky breath slowly. She kissed Beca’s temple before brushing the dark hair out of Beca’s face. “What has meine Maus so quiet today?” Luisa teased, looking Beca in the face. The smile across Luisa’s face, her caring attitude, and general softness all gave Beca the indication that Luisa reciprocated the love she had in her heart, but she didn’t know of the conflict Luisa was actually under concerning such feelings. Luisa knew she loved Beca, but she refused to admit it for one reason. She and Pieter were so close to getting the essential information for blackmailing Jesse into giving them atomic secrets, yet she was so far from wanting to leave.

She had done the one thing anyone should never do as a spy: get her heart involved. She had the logical investment of a spy, but the emotional investment of a lovesick fool. She knew she shouldn’t have, but she allowed Beca inside her fucked up head and now she wasn’t so fucked up. She wasn’t completely cured of her demons, but she learned to tolerate them enough to sleep at night. All thanks to Beca. Luisa wanted to cry inside because she had fallen in love with Beca, had fallen in love with Bonnie, and didn’t want to leave. She had created a life, although fake, here and desired to live the typical American suburban house life with the mother and child. She wanted to give them everything she could, but she knew she couldn’t, which saddened her even more. “No reason. I just want to enjoy this time I have with you,” Beca answered, kissing Luisa sweetly. Beca pressed her forehead to Luisa’s before pushing the woman onto her back and mounting her waist. Luisa laughed at the sudden change of pace but accepted Beca’s dominance. She entwined their fingers on their hands as she smiled up at Beca and sat up to give Beca a kiss. A few gentle kisses later, the two heard two different sounds from different ends of the hall.

From one end, low groans resonated through the walls, indicating what the guys just did. And from the other end, Bonnie’s cries were prominent. Knowing Jesse wouldn’t do anything, Beca got off Luisa and peeked her head out into the hall to make sure no one was coming. She then padded to Bonnie’s room to check on the now awake toddler. Bonnie was laying in her crib and screaming her head off in desperate need of her mother. Beca hurried to get her child in her arms to calm her down and felt how hot Bonnie was. “Oh, Bon Bon. You must be running a fever,” Beca deduced, feeling the warmth from the small girl. Suddenly, Luisa pressed her naked body against Beca’s bare back and wrapped her arms around the three of them, a blanket accompanying the embrace. “What’s wrong,” Luisa asked, perceiving the distress in Beca. “Poor Bon Bon here seems to be sick.” Luisa whimpered at the little girl’s condition and pulled her mother in tighter, kissing the toddler’s forehead. Bonnie stopped crying almost instantly since she knew her auntie was there and accepted the loving embrace. “Now I think Bon Bon here should sleep with us tonight so we can make sure she is fine until morning,” Luisa stated, contradicting what her mind was telling her. Beca agreed and took her daughter to the large warm bed where the three females would stay.

As Luisa laid down with Bonnie between her and Beca, who was in arms distance, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking of how much she would hurt both of them when she left for her emotionless life back in the Soviet Union.


	12. Chapter 12

**February 7, 1953**

 

“What do you mean we should wait?! It’s been months!” It was hard for Pieter to control the volume of his voice as his anger rose. He was arguing with Luisa over the rest of their plan to get atomic secrets and so far, she had only been annoying to him. She had proposed the idea of waiting a few more months to blackmail Jesse, even though everything was already ready, but mostly she just wanted to protect Beca and Bonnie from the heartache of their husband/father being publicly decried. In the past few weeks, she had debated with herself about what to do about her love for the mother and she still couldn’t reconcile herself with her job and her feelings. Obviously, Pieter had taken notice of the small changes in Luisa’s behavior and eventually figured out that Luisa was getting attached to the family. He had no idea of the love behind Luisa’s actions, but he was soon about to find out. “We’re not ready Pieter! We don’t have enough evidence to blackmail him with!” Luisa shouted, getting all up in Pieter’s face. She was shorter than him, but damn was she fierce. She wore a simple outfit of a polo, jeans, and an updo held together by her ivory comb. She looked fairly domestic (attributed to her time spent with Beca), but her Russian screaming implied she was anything but. Her face was as stern as it could ever be in the darkness of their apartment, dark eyebrows pulled together in frustration.

Pieter glared down at his partner with the same disdain in his face before he stepped toward her with a loud and Russian, “We’ve been ready since we got here!  _ You  _ haven’t been ready, Luisa!” Luisa backed off Pieter to scream senselessly and throw a small glass object against the wall, causing it to smash into bits and pieces. She held the air around her head in a frustrated action, but Pieter didn’t stop yelling at her. “It’s because of her?! Isn’t it?! You’ve grown attached to those . . . those . . . American sons of bitches!” She couldn’t take it anymore. It was one thing to insult her, it was another to insult innocent victims in the selfish trip they called a mission. She turned back to him and slapped him before shouting, “You have no right to call them that! They did nothing and you know it!” Both were done with the other. They heard enough to know they were on opposite sides of each other, and therefore enemies. At this point, Pieter didn’t care about hurting Luisa so he took her viciously by the arms and lifted her enough to scare her as he berated her, “As far as I’m concerned, they did everything and you seem to have joined them because you’re nothing but a slave to my will!  _ My _ will, Luisa! You do as I say or I have to kill you! Do you understand me, Luisa?! Or should I say Number 4568?! Will that make you behave?!” Luisa had started crying at her partner’s animosity, but more so over his cruelty to reference her tragic past.

“Stop! Pieter, please!” she begged, pushing on his chest to get away. His grip on her kept her in place as he continued to spew venom in his words. “No! You need to understand that you can’t do what you want! It’ll get you killed!” Finally, he let her go and she stumbled before catching her balance and standing up fully. Tears soaked her face and sparkled from the city lights coming into the dark apartment from the street. He could tell he hurt her, but that was the least of his worries. He was worried she’d get killed from getting tangled up in something she didn’t understand and he only wanted to help, but he ended up doing the opposite. He tried to step closer to her, but she took steps back to distance herself from him. When he stepped too close, she ran for the door and barely got it open before he screamed, “What do they even mean to you?!” She was too emotional to handle such a question because her head began to pound with the amount of crying she was doing and she couldn’t stop herself. She threw the door open, turned around, and yelled, “I love her, Pieter! I love her!” Then, all of a sudden, she was out the door and heading out to the city to calm herself down. The last thing he saw of her was the glare of her ivory comb in the light from the window. He was left standing there in the front hall with the information he was given. He could only hope that she didn’t do anything stupid that cost either one of their lives. Seeing he couldn’t do anything at the moment, he shut and locked the door then sat on the couch to watch some TV.

A few hours later, while he was watching the news, a story about a bar fight not too far from the apartment came on. The entire place was left with stitches, but the supposed assailant escaped before the police could arrest them. Pieter was shocked to hear the news, but was even more surprised when Luisa burst in through the door in a robotic fashion. Her face was still covered in tears, but her lip was bleeding and so was the side of her head. Pieter knew immediately she was the one who won the bar fight and got a glass smashed against the side of her head. She didn’t seem fazed by the amount of blood and tears flowing from her head as Pieter got up to check on her. When he looked into her eyes, he saw nothing but grey. The color had faded from her. He tried to wipe the tears away from her face, but she stopped him by kneeling down in front of him with her head hung and hands by her sides. He didn’t know what she was doing until she said, “I’m Number 4568. Nothing but a slave to your will. Do what you want with me.”

********

**February 16, 1953**

 

“I can’t believe it,” Jesse breathed, looking down at the photos in front of him. He was looking at images of him and Benji explicitly making out and even having sex, no matter what that implied. His jaw was dropped low at the sight of the images in front of him. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing and hearing. He saw physical evidence of love but heard audible evidence of malice. He looked up from the papers to see Luisa and Pieter in their respective positions in his office. Luisa was wearing a red, black dotted, strapless dress with black heels and her hair was straightened over one shoulder, the top half of her back on display. She did her best to cover her scars with the limited amount of makeup she had and it was enough to barely conceal them. She was smoking as she sat on the edge of Jesse’s desk, one arm across her midsection to hold up her other, and her lips were painted red like her dress. Pieter was across the room, leaning against the door, in an all black suit with his hands in his pockets. “How? Why? How could you do this?” was all Jesse could come up with. He was in such a state of shock he couldn’t come up with anything to say. All he could do was stare dumbfounded at the photos in front of him and the people he thought were his friends.

Pieter rocked off the wall and stalked to Jesse’s desk. He slammed his hands down on the wood before explaining, “I told you. We need the secrets to the Hydrogen bomb you dropped months ago and unless you want us to release these to the press, you better start cooperating right now.” Jesse still didn’t seem to understand what Pieter was telling him, so the gentleman spy elaborated. “If these go out to the press, you’ll be marked as Communist and be fired from your job. If you’re fired, you and your family will be put out on the streets and I don’t think you want that.” Jesse’s eyes widened at the thoughts Pieter was giving him and his gaze passed over Luisa, who was trying to hold herself together. They caught each other’s gaze for a second before Luisa couldn’t bear the hurt look in Jesse’s eyes anymore and looked down at the images she took. She sighed silently and switched her head back to her lap. She took a drag and held it in for her thoughts to gather to a semblance of correct. “H-How . . . could  _ you _ ?” Jesse asked, looking to Luisa. She could hear how his voice had changed since his last question. He sounded so hurt and broken because she had lied to him . . . and Beca. Truthfully, she hurt herself by hurting them, but there was nothing she could do about it. She made her decision a little more than a week before when she had relapsed to her old self in that bar fight.

Pieter could sense the deep connection being made between his partner and his target and he was about to do something when Luisa responded apathetically, “Mr. Swanson, you’re trying to appeal to emotions that don’t exist. So either you give us what we want, or we kill you right here. Make your choice.” Pieter stood back up and crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at the shorter man. Jesse flicked his eyes back and forth between the two Soviets while he contemplated what to do and thought of his options. He could refuse and get killed, which would leave Beca and Bonnie homeless. He could accept and tell someone, but he’d most likely be killed and his family would result in the same fate. His last option was to accept and keep the secret from his wife and the nation, but at least he and his family would live. Reluctantly, Jesse met Pieter’s eyes and told him, “Fine, just please don’t hurt Beca or Bonnie. Not even Benji . . . they mean the world to me.” Pieter smiled, collected the photos, and commented, “No worries, Mr. Swanson. If you hold up your end, no harm shall come to your family or your . . . boyfriend.” He nodded his head to the door and Luisa got up in a rush, smashing the cigarette in the ashtray on Jesse’s desk. The two spies headed toward the door and Pieter exited before Luisa. She paused as she was halfway through the door to look back at Jesse and give him a sympathetic glance he didn’t understand.

She felt like she betrayed him. Not only him. Her love, Beca, and Bonnie. She felt like she was hurting herself by hurting them, but she couldn’t stop herself from obeying Pieter’s orders. After all, she wasn’t Luisa anymore . . . she was Number 4568.

********

**February 19, 1953**

 

Chloe had just coaxed Bonnie to sleep after a good half hour of convincing her that her Auntie LuLu couldn’t put her to bed when someone tapped her shoulder. She turned around to see the person who needed her attention: Pieter. “Hey Carrot Top,” he greeted rather matter-of-factly. Chloe’s face deadpanned at the nickname and she corrected him, “It’s Chloe.” Pieter chuckled a bit before he waved his hand and responded, “Right, sorry Chloe. It’s just my wife always calls you Carrot Top. But then again, I don’t think you really like her.” Chloe nodded her head to confirm his assumption and motioned him out of the room so he didn’t wake up Bonnie. “Anyway, why did you need me?” She got straight to the point because quite frankly, she was done with drawn out stories. “I actually don’t need you, Beca does. She’s downstairs in the kitchen.” Giving the tall man an annoyed look, she pushed past him and down the stairs to see what Beca could possibly want from her that she couldn’t get from Luisa. At this point, Chloe had been demoted from best friend to what her real job was: babysitter. Even then, sometimes she didn’t get to do her job because Luisa would be there. She hopped off the stairs with a heavy sigh and didn’t know Pieter was watching her closely.

He and Luisa planned what was about to happen to Chloe for the purpose of a distraction to Beca. They needed to keep Beca distracted from Jesse long enough so he could go to Washington D.C. to get the atomic secrets they were looking for and causing drama between the brunette and ginger was the perfect thing to do. It didn’t help Chloe’s case that she was already jealous of Luisa, which would make their plan even more effective. The ginger was too lost in thoughts to hear the obscene noises coming from the kitchen and pushed through the door with, “What did you n—” She gasped as she saw the situation in front of her. Beca was lying on the counter with Luisa in front of her. It might’ve looked like something else if Beca hadn’t been moaning Luisa’s name and begging for her release. Her dress was hiked up to her waist and she had nothing on underneath it while Luisa was three fingers deep and sucking at her core relentlessly. Chloe couldn’t believe her eyes. Of the number of times she thought that Beca and Luisa were sleeping together, she never thought they were true because Beca had told her, “Luisa’s just a friend. She doesn’t get the perks you do.” Actually, Luisa got more perks than Chloe ever did and the sight in front of the redhead expressed such. At first, Chloe only felt hurt that Beca would lie to her like that, but once she was noticed by Luisa, she had the revelation of a lifetime.

It wasn’t much, yet the sly smirk the blonde threw in Chloe’s direction conveyed the one hypothesis Chloe had: Luisa was using Beca. For the spy, her next move was to get Beca to notice Chloe by finishing her off, then turning her around. To make sure she accomplished this before Chloe left, Luisa thrust her fingers faster and pulled Beca off the counter. She turned Beca around as the smaller woman braced her hands on the counter in front of her and Luisa thrust a few more times. Beca came loudly and her head threw back onto Luisa’s shoulder, her eyes opening slowly. She perceived Chloe when the sounds of Luisa cleaning her fingers were the only thing she could hear. The implication kicked in a second later and her eyes widened in shock. Chloe saw Beca’s reaction and crossed her arms over her chest before marching out of the kitchen with no real destination. Beca ran after her, which left Luisa in the kitchen satisfied, yet guilty as hell. She didn’t want to destroy the relationship between the two women, but duty called. She had to or else . . . death.

Luisa stood in the kitchen for another fifteen minutes with her mixed emotions becoming more of a problem when she heard Beca yell, “You’re fired!” Not even a minute later, the small woman was back in the kitchen and in front of Luisa, anger seething from her. She groaned after taking a deep breath to rid of her anger with her ex-best friend. Beca angrily kissed Luisa and buried her face in the older woman’s chest at an attempt to calm herself down. Sensing this anger, Luisa went into a sort of halfway state where she knew what she was doing, but couldn’t stop herself from doing things she didn’t want to. She looked into Beca’s eyes as she knelt down in front of the small woman and told her, “I’m yours to punish. Do what you want with me.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All you need to know is that Stalin died on March 5, 1953

**March 6, 1953**

 

Weeks later, and Luisa was still in the halfway state of consciousness where she only did what Pieter told her to, but could respond emotionally to others. She thought almost nothing of it except in the moments she spent alone with Beca as the smaller woman simply brought out the humanity she had once known. With Beca, she had the right to choose, she had the right to live. Every time, she chose to love Beca as hard as she could, knowing she’d eventually go back to apathetic. Neither woman had told the other of their love, but when it came down to it, they silently knew anyway. Sitting in the living room, Beca and Luisa were playing with Bonnie and her Barbie doll whom she said looked like Luisa. Luisa, in rolled up pants and a white t-shirt with a flannel overtop, tucked in, switched her gaze from the young girl and her mother for she knew what came next. Once Jesse was ready, he would hand over the atomic secrets and she and Pieter would be gone, which would leave Beca and Bonnie heartbroken. She hated to do it, but she knew she had to or else she’d be killed. So, here she sat, petting the small head of the child she had grown very attached to since the moment she first held her in November.

Luisa bent forward and individually kissed Bonnie and Beca in succession, taking her time to memorize the feeling of Beca’s lips on hers and the soft cheek of Bonnie. “What was that for?” Beca asked surprisedly, smirking at Luisa. The blonde just smiled, kissed the brunette again, and answered, “Just ‘cause, Maus.” Beca’s face scrunched up as she mildly cringed, but she went back to lil’ Bon Bon. Luisa laid back on the floor, her shirt coming untucked, and watched the front door open to Jesse, who had a briefcase in his hand. It was about sundown and the auburn light from the sky poured in through the open door. Jesse took one more step before he noticed Luisa’s intense gaze upon him and the case he carried, stopping immediately. He cautiously closed the door and silently motioned for her to follow him into his office down the hall, but Beca turned around and greeted him. He had been gone in Washington D.C. for two weeks prior to that day and she was so eager to see him she called him nearly every day for the past week. He got back the day before and ever since he was dreading this second when he’d see his wife again who he lied to, when he’d see the person who threatened his existence but blatantly loved his wife. Jesse gave Beca a half-hearted smile, waved to his daughter, and stared blankly at Luisa. She rolled onto her stomach and stretched out, watching him intently.

Not being able to handle the guilt of seeing her, Jesse told Beca, “There are a few more things I need to handle right now, Becs. I’ll be done before dinner.” The woman nodded her consent to see him walk away mildly frustrated and looked back to Luisa. “What do you think is wrong with him? He hasn’t been like that in ages,” the brunette questioned, hoping her friend could offer a suggestion. The spy faked confusion with a shoulder shrug and a sincere look into the other woman’s eyes. She glanced back at the hall Jesse went down before pretending to go to the bathroom. In truth, she went to Jesse’s office and locked the door behind her, seeing Jesse with a glass of whiskey. He was standing by the window near his desk as he sipped the tan liquid. The contemplative expression on his face told Luisa he was upset with something so she leaned back on the door with her arms crossed over her chest, her flannel rolled up to her elbows. “Is someone upset about something?” she mocked, pouting her lower lip fakely. She knew this was her true spy demeanor coming out, but she couldn’t stop herself. She tilted her head in pretend sympathy while she searched for an answer from her prey. All he did was turn his head toward her and reply, “It’s hard to forget you’re betraying your whole country.” He took another sip of the alcohol before turning back to the window, which he was searching for some hope.

Luisa rocked off the door and stepped toward the briefcase that was on the desk, each step in her combat boots resembling an ominous step toward the future of nuclear war. The fate of the Cold War laid in those papers where the scientific calculations and results of American scientists were going to be handed to America’s biggest enemy. With this thought in his mind, he heard Luisa’s footsteps to be the landing of hydrogen bombs on American cities that would kill millions. Step. Bye New York. Step. There goes San Francisco. Step. So long Philadelphia. Step. Sayonara Chicago. Step. Atlanta . . . gone. He was jarred by the idea of Atlanta being on the list of cities to target and he whipped his head around to see Luisa was at his desk, hands on the locks to the case. “Are these it?” Jesse nodded his head and watched her unlock the locks slowly. She was going to take her time with this because she knew Pieter would be on call all night for pick up. All she had to do was get the secrets and call Pieter, then they’d be on their way to the Soviet Union for their next mission. Opening the case, what she saw was a stack of papers about a hundred sheets thick in a folder placed delicately in the middle of the briefcase. She smiled down at the file, then at Jesse, and told him, “Fantastic.” She closed the case and locked it before reaching for the phone to dial the number to her and Pieter’s apartment.

The ringing tones didn’t go off for more than two seconds before Pieter answered with, “You ready?” Luisa smirked and responded, “Yes, sir. The package is ready for delivery.” With that, she placed the phone back on the receiver and picked up the briefcase by its handle. Jesse could only stare at her with the utmost shock and confusion in his features. “How could you do this to me? To Beca? To . . . to Bonnie?” he asked, setting his empty glass down on the window sill. He looked so pleading in the falling sunlight and Luisa couldn’t deny how it tugged at her heartstrings. She didn’t know why she was doing this either. All she came up with was her own life. She risked the lives of those she loved for her own. The sudden realization of her selfishness made her stop. She stared back into his dark eyes with an ocean of emotions threatening to pour out, but the rigid figure acted as a dam, which conveyed nothing but apathy. “D . . . Duty calls, I guess,” she murmured, turning to leave the room. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Luisa snapped her gaze back to Jesse, who was as surprised as she was. Then, someone jiggled the knob. “Hey, Jess. Are you in there? I want to talk to you.” Beca.

The two in the room looked at each other for a while before Jesse thought of what to do. He was going to expose Luisa in front of Beca. While he knew it’d hurt her more than it did him, he needed to tell his wife of her lover’s lies. Coming to this consciousness, he went to the door and unlocked it. Beca tentatively entered, hands wrung together but stopped when she saw the serious look on Luisa’s face. Jesse shut the door when Beca had fully entered to give them some privacy. Beca looked at the two other people in the room, sensed the tension, and hesitantly questioned, “What’s going on here?” Now that he had his plan somewhat thought out, Jesse was going to go forward with the plan, even if it meant destroying what the three of them had. He turned to Luisa and directed, “Maybe you should ask her, Becs.” Beca looked to Luisa for an answer to her question, but the spy couldn’t come up with anything. It was one thing to lie to Jesse, it was another to lie to Beca. Beca was the love of her life and lying to her would be like lying to herself. It didn’t matter that she had already done both in a matter of a few days, doing it in person took more courage. “What’s going on, Luisa?” Beca asked again, a sudden curiosity taking over her.

“N-Nothing, Maus. I just have to go now,” Luisa stuttered, her mask slowly being taken off. She found that with every question asked, the more her humanity and morality came into play. “Why do you have to go now? You said you’d be here all night.” Beca’s curiosity was ever growing and it didn’t stop with each question. “Well, Pieter needs me home for now and I promised I’d be there as soon as I could.” Jesse couldn’t stand it anymore. He could take Luisa’s lying, but he knew Beca didn’t deserve any of it. He stepped forward and pointed a vicious finger at Luisa’s face as he scolded, “You know damn well that’s bullshit!” At this point, he had light tears streaming his face and wanted to cry. Luisa was surprised by his animosity, yet she barely backed up. Beca noticed how violent her husband was getting and decided to intervene before it was too late. “Jesse! What is going on here?!” she yelled, her eyes as wide as they ever were. Her arms were spread out to either side of her and she certainly didn’t expect what he was about to shout. “She’s a Russian spy! And she threatened me into giving her secrets about the Hydrogen bomb!”

Beca’s gasp was audible, but Luisa’s scared expression was even more shocking. Her mask had been torn off as the repercussions of her previous actions hit her and the hurt feelings surfaced on Beca’s face. “Is he right?” Beca squeaked, tears stinging her eyes. Luisa couldn’t speak. She had been struck silent by the truth of what she had to tell Beca. She looked once into Beca’s stormy eyes to be locked in her place by the tidal wave of regret she felt seeing how heartbroken Beca was. “Please tell me he’s not right Luisa.” Beca whimpered, tears flowing down her cheeks. Instead of answering her properly, Luisa evaded the question by pushing past them and heading out to the front door. Beca followed after her and stopped Luisa before she could open the door. “Wait, Luisa!” Beca walked slowly towards Luisa as the blonde turned around, briefcase in hand. Beca glanced into the living room at Bonnie, who was watching the news she turned on and collected her thoughts to make an ultimatum to Luisa. She arrived before the older woman with her face drenched in tears and a decision to be made.

Beca peered up into Luisa’s eyes, which read the caring Luisa Bea knew, and firmly told her, “If you leave now, I’ll know Jesse was right and everything you told me was a lie. Everything  _ we  _ were was a lie. But if you stay, I’ll know this was some elaborate hoax meant to fool me and we can laugh about it afterward like it was nothing.” Beca faked a smile to spark some hope within herself that it was the second option and Luisa was just pretending, but deep down, she knew Luisa wouldn’t be in front of her in a few minutes. Luisa had tears lining her eyes because her emotions were beginning to poke through and change her mind about what to do. She went to open her mouth but was interrupted by the newscaster on the TV. “We have just got word that Joseph Stalin, the former leader of the Soviet Union, has died as of yesterday from a stroke. Now we have no further details but . . . “ The two women looked to the screen in the adjacent room as they froze at the news going across the plane of glass. Luisa wasn’t paying attention to what the screen showed as much as she was focused on what the person had just said. Stalin was dead. He was no longer the leader of the Soviet Union. Her verbal contract with him was over. He expressly told her, “As long as I live,” but he was dead now. She was free to go. She had no loyalty to her home country anymore. She could stay with Beca for no consequences.

While she thought of this, her head turned back to the woman in front of her and her eyes took in the distressed aspect of the young mother’s face. Like she could sense Luisa’s staring, Beca looked back to Luisa and requested, “Make your choice, Luisa. Me or your country.” Luisa was about to cry when she felt a tug on her pants from below. It was Bonnie. The child pulled on Luisa’s pant leg as she sputtered, “Don’t go LuLu.” The emotions became too much for Luisa to handle and she backed up from both of them. “I . . . I have to go. I’m . . . I’m sorry.” To make sure she didn’t start crying, Luisa opened the door and was halfway out when she heard Beca interject, “Just know that what they did to you was wrong.” Luisa spun around to face Beca before she found her lips pressed to Beca’s in the most passionate kiss they ever shared. Beca was first to pull away with her hands clasped onto Luisa’s cheeks and finished, “And I love you.” She removed her person from Luisa and watched as her ex-lover stood there a second before reluctantly turning away, lurching down the stairs. The door was shut and Beca collapsed to the ground in front of her daughter. Luisa got to the first landing on the stairs as Beca’s words fully registered in her mind, which made her stop and glance back at the front door. She knew Beca was shattered, but couldn’t stop herself from continuing as if nothing happened.

Pieter had just pulled in when she reached the bottom of the steps and she hurriedly tossed the briefcase in the backseat with all their belongings before climbing in the front seat next to Pieter. She had single tears rolling down her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away. “Are you alright?” Pieter asked, noticing the woman’s disposition. Luisa looked up at the Swanson Manor one last time as they pulled away. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just . . . need to listen to the radio.” To distract herself, Luisa turned on the radio to a news station who was running a different breaking news story. “Local sources say Senator Jesse Swanson and his wife Beca Swanson are involved with subversive leaders of Communist countries. Sources also say the two are in a fake marriage to cover up their homosexuality and individual affairs with singer Phoenix Havoc and wife of West German diplomat, Luisa Meyer. No other evidence has been brought forward to prove or disprove these allegations . . . “ Luisa gaped shocked at Pieter and told him, “What have we done?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical Context:
> 
> Nikita Khrushchev was the leader of the Soviet Union after Stalin.

**March 6, 1953**

 

“So what do we do now?” Beca asked, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She and Jesse had just watched the news segment which defamed and decried their good name and the two stood in shock. Bonnie, chewing on her fingers, was in Beca’s arms and observing the interaction between the two adults. Jesse continuously stared dumbfounded at the screen that was still on for some reason. “How could she? She said she wouldn’t tell anyone if I gave her the secrets, but, but,” Jesse complained, not knowing the full story. Beca knew who had told the press about their secrets and it certainly wasn’t Luisa. “Chloe. It was Chloe. Luisa would hold true to her word, even if she did lie to us for months, but Chloe . . . I fired her a few weeks ago because she caught me and Luisa.” Beca explained without taking her eyes from the TV screen in front of them and bounced Bonnie on her hip to try to coax the girl to sleep. Jesse looked to his wife and pointed, “No wonder I haven’t seen her.” Beca scoffed lightly before retorting, “You really didn’t notice?” He simply shook his head and they shared a short lasting laugh together, knowing that would probably be the last moment they spent with each other. Once the ferment had died out, they stood next to each other with a sense of awkwardness.

“So . . . what now? I mean, you’re most likely going to get fired and I’ll never be able to find a job, no matter if I denied the accusations,” Beca questioned, seriously contemplating the future of her life with her daughter. Luckily for her, Jesse had thought of something ahead of time. He had been told by a fellow congressman that it was always important to have a stash of money saved just in case one’s career went down the drain so they wouldn’t live in poverty. He also thought of what to tell Beca if she had ever found out about it, but since that plan wasn’t going to work, he basically explained what she was to do. “Well, Beca. First, I want you to go pack as much of yours and Bonnie’s things as you can. Mainly clothes and other necessities like that, okay?” Beca nodded her head and took Bonnie with her upstairs to do as Jesse said while he went to his office to retrieve the stash he had. Beca opened Bonnie’s bedroom door and carefully placed her child in the crib before getting a big bag from a nearby closet and packing it with all of the clothes she could fit in it. She threw the bag over her shoulder and picked Bonnie back up, going to her room to pack. She laid Bonnie and Bonnie’s bag down on her bed as she went to get a bag for her stuff. She disregarded the lavish dresses because she never really liked them anyway and went for the basic dresses and unisex clothing she acquired over the years.

When she had finished that, she tossed the full bag onto the bed next to Bonnie and went to the nightstand next to the large bed for a few last things, sentimental as she called it. But she was stopped by a shiny object and the gloss of a photograph in the ever dimming light of the sun. Beca straightened out and looked carefully at the object only to realize the object was Luisa’s ivory hair comb and a photograph she took of Luisa. Beca picked up the comb and ran her fingers over the bright pearls as tears poured from her eyes again at the memories of what the two women once were. Then, she remembered the photograph. She picked that up and looked at the woman she loved. Luisa was wearing nothing but black underwear and a white dress shirt and was leaning back against the balcony with one arm around her midsection, the other occupied by a cigarette. Her shirt was undone, which exposed most of her chest without explicit details, and she had just caught sight of the camera on her since a small smirk graced her lips. Her hair was pulled back, but some strands escaped and fell in her face, a streak of blonde cutting her perfect face in two. Beca smiled at how serene and sexy the scene was and the rising sun in the background only made her cry more.

“Beca, come on!” Jesse called from downstairs. She snapped out of her trance and brought the two objects with her as she hauled the two bags and Bonnie downstairs to the front door where she assumed Jesse would meet her with his belongings. He came down the hall with nothing in his hands but a small bag which was certainly too small to hold even a fraction of his closet. “What’s going on, Jesse?” Beca asked, setting the two bags down. He just approached her with the bag as he sighed his discomfort with the situation they found themselves in. He laid the bag down with the other bags and told her, “There’s a little over $150,000 in cash in that bag. Don’t lose it. That should be enough for you and Bonnie for a solid year.” She didn’t understand the words coming out of his mouth. Her and Bonnie? What about him? Before she could question his actions, he continued, “Move to California. Change your name. Start a life for the two of you. Don’t worry about me.” The undertones of what he was saying hit her and she started crying again. He was going to bear the weight of their combined actions for at least a while until he could find a way out. “I’ll leave the country with Benji if he wants to, but for now. Take the money and go live your life, Beca. Give her the life you didn’t have. It’s the least she deserves,” Jesse finished, admiring their adorable daughter. Beca couldn’t stop crying, but managed to hug him tightly and tell him, “Thank you, Jesse.”

They pulled apart and pressed their foreheads together for the last time before Jesse reached out to give his final farewell to Bonnie. He kissed the side of her head and asked her, “Will you be strong and faithful to your mother?” Bonnie, not knowing what was going on, smiled, giggled, and said, “Yes, Dadda.” She slapped his cheeks playfully as he passed her back to Beca. “Now, go. It won’t be long before people are invading this place,” Jesse warned, handing Beca the keys to the biggest car they had. She took the keys, kissed him one last time, and gathered everything she and Bonnie needed for their new life together. “Thanks again, Jesse. I hope you and Benji can work things out,” Beca wished, stopping on her way down the stairs. Jesse nodded before responding, “What kind of a husband and father would I be if I didn’t protect my family? And, I’m sorry you and Luisa didn’t work out. I’m sure she loved you the same.”

“Well, I guess I may never find out.” With that, she finished her descent and packed the car for their trip to California. She started the car, glanced back at Jesse and Bonnie, and drove off into the early night in search of a new home.

********

**Puerto Rico, April 10, 1953**

 

Jesse thought he was in a dream. He simply couldn’t believe what had happened. Just over a month ago, he sent his now ex-wife away with his daughter, never to be seen again. Truth be told, it was for their own good. But as he laid his head on his lover’s chest, he couldn’t believe how he had made it. He and Benji had managed to flee to Puerto Rico a few weeks after the scandal became national news. He was fired, of course, but then he was charged with being Communist. That’s when he knew he had to go underground. So, he and Benji went to live with Benji’s large family of fourteen, including relatives. They had their own room together since the ex-singer’s mother knew the situation between the two men and was accepting of it. Benji’s mother was like nothing else that Jesse had seen before. She was one of the most accepting people he came across in his life and loved her for it. The early morning shone through the small windows above their heads and woke up the two men individually. When Jesse had woken, Benji was asleep and cuddling the other man gently. Jesse lifted his head from the chest he was laying on and kissed his boyfriend. “Buenos dias,” Jesse greeted, using the bit of Spanish he learned. Benji smiled and was about to respond when his mother burst in through the door.

“Alright, gay boys! Get up! It’s breakfast time!” she hollered in Spanish, throwing shirts at the bed inhabitants. Benji laughed while Jesse stared confusedly at the other two. “She says get up,” Benji roughly translated, climbing out of bed. His mother left and Jesse got up too, pulling on his boxers. They got dressed in close to nothing before heading out to the dining room where the rest of Benji’s family sat ready for the breakfast set before them. They sat down next to each other and greeted everyone as Benji’s mother stood up. At this, everyone bowed their heads to say prayer, which she led. “Dear Lord, we thank you for this meal set before us today. We would also like to thank you for bringing my son back to us safely and for bringing a new member into this family. May they live happily together in your good graces,” Benji’s mother thanked, looking to her youngest son afterward. Benji and Jesse blushed at the compliment as they gave other a light kiss and whispered, “I love you.” Everyone awed at the sight before they started to eat the breakfast hurriedly. From that moment, Jesse knew he’d do alright in his life.

********

**California, April 11, 1953**

 

“Great job! I guess I’ll see you next week,” Beca assumed, opening the door for her student. The small Asian child jumped up and down emphatically and shouted, “Yes Ms. Mitchell!” Beca laughed a bit and watched the small child hop off her front porch and to their awaiting mother, who waved hello. Beca waved back to see her last student of the day off then closed the door with a sigh. She lightly hit her head against the door to let out her bit of frustration and pushed against the wall as if it were the only obstacle keeping her inside. She had moved out to the West coast with Bonnie in an attempt to evade the consequences of her lies and only ended up lying more. She changed her name back to her maiden name to not raise suspicion and she hid her sexuality like it was Dr. Manette in Defarge’s attic. Least to say, she had her public life and private life separate. Her public life consisted of being the local piano teacher for many Asian children whose mothers wanted them to learn as many instruments as they could and being the only single parent within a fifty-mile radius. She tried to date a man to see if it would work out, but the moment everything turned into more than a kiss, she freaked out too bad. The past month had brought about so many changes, she couldn’t keep up.

The only thing that hadn’t changed was her daughter. Bonnie was still the bright and happy toddler she was before the whole escapade. Beca was grateful for the staple and was glad to play with Bon Bon whenever she could to escape the world she lived in. Beca glanced to the side to see Bonnie wasn’t in the living room anymore. She stood up straight immediately as worry shot through her and she called, “Bonnie? Where are you?” Their house was smaller so her voice could be heard through all the rooms, but when the girl didn’t respond, Beca became even more worried. She turned around to be scared by the sight of the almost three-year-old with a Barbie doll in one hand and a teething toy in the other, chewing on the rubber. Beca placed a hand on her chest as Bonnie asked, “Can Momma play now?” Beca calmed down after a few seconds and smiled at her daughter before taking her to the living room. They sat down and Beca redid the updo she had in her hair. She gathered most of it before she replaced the ivory comb to hold it together. She picked up the other Barbie doll from the floor and played with Bonnie as if she herself were the child’s age. They pretended to be friends in the game and this got Bonnie’s mind stirring. Out of nowhere, the young girl asked, “Where is Auntie LuLu?” The question had caught Beca off guard and she was left frozen in her place without an answer.

All she thought of was Luisa. How she lied. How she felt against her. How she still loved her. None of it could be missed and Beca found herself taken through a series of emotions ranging from hatred to love and back through the alphabet. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t deny that she loved the blonde despite the hell she went through because of the other woman. Something wouldn’t allow her to let go and she didn’t know what it was. That’s when she remembered Bonnie was still in front of her. Beca couldn’t let go of Luisa because she knew Bonnie would remember her, even if she were so small. She didn’t know how to remove such a prevalent figure from her daughter’s life, but she was going to at least try. Luisa was a good person, but she hurt Beca and she couldn’t play the victim. “Momma. Where’s LuLu? I thought you loved her,” Bonnie asked again. Beca simply smiled at the girl with tears in her eyes and told her, “I don’t know who you’re talking about, Bon Bon.” But, in the back of her mind, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering where the beautiful woman was now.

********

**The Soviet Union, April 12, 1953**

 

Three weeks had brought them here. Three weeks of tedious planning and sea travel brought them to the face of the new Soviet Union: Nikita Khrushchev. He was the new ruler of the USSR since Stalin died last month, but that didn’t seem to change Luisa’s demeanor. She was still submissive to at least Pieter, and while she knew to obey Khrushchev, she knew to be wary of his actions. The two spies were taller than their new leader by a few inches each, yet they inwardly feared the shorter man with a foreboding sense. Pieter handed the secrets to Khrushchev after giving their introductions and awaited a response. Luisa played nice by standing by her partner’s side with her hands clasped behind her back. She wore black, knee-high boots with a black skirt that came down to just above her knees and a white dress shirt because she preferred this dress to an actual dress. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail by a rubber band she found that morning and she tried her best to look decent despite how shitty she felt on the inside. She knew how much she still loved Beca and Bonnie, but she also knew she wouldn’t be allowed back into their good graces no matter what she did. So, she continued to live like she could without them, but often times she ended up crying herself to sleep because she didn’t have the other body next to her.

The man in front of them examined the papers before shaking Pieter’s hand and congratulating him on the successful mission. “Oh, I couldn’t have done it without Luisa here,” Pieter tried to recognize, motioning to the aforementioned woman. If she thought Stalin was sexist, Khrushchev was a gender terrorist. His beliefs were more radical than the straightest and whitest male in America. He saw women as nothing more than sex objects to produce more women as sex slaves. So, imagine what happened when he became offended by the notion of Luisa being the main agent in the mission. “This bitch was the leader of this duo?! I’m disappointed in you, Mr. Krämer. I thought you were better than that!” The Soviet leader exclaimed, blatantly degrading Luisa. She knew Pieter had to do what he had to to keep his position, but she had to admit it did sting when he refuted, “No, she didn’t lead! I mean she might’ve led sometimes, but I was on my back for that. If you get what I mean.” Pieter wiggled his eyebrows out of view of Luisa and Khrushchev caught on immediately. The tall man knew what he was implying with his words and actions, but he never anticipated what he had sentenced his partner to. While Luisa looked on with a shocked expression on her face, the older but shorter man looked over her from head to toe, or one should say chest to crotch.

He groaned low in his throat so she couldn’t hear and as he brought his eyes slowly up to her face, he said, “Well, Ms. Meyer. In order to formally apologize for my actions, I’d ask you to meet me in the bedroom down the hall so we can . . . come to an arrangement.” She had no idea what to make of his intonation, but at his command, she was led to an empty bedroom with only a bed, vanity and a chair with a sweater thrown over the back of it. Insignificant, but ever important. She glanced back over her shoulder once more to see Pieter’s worried face as if he knew what was going to happen. Little did she know, that would be the last time they saw each other the same way again. She stepped into the room with her arms crossed over her chest and the door was shut behind her. She couldn’t believe the man’s attitude toward her, but then there was the creepy intimation he gave about his supposed apology that she couldn’t help but suspect. She shook her head with a huff of breath before the door opened again and she was faced with the short man. He approached her with a sense of familiarity she found abnormal, but he kept his intentions hidden from her as he began his apology. “Ms. Luisa Meyer, I must say I am sorry for the way I acted to you. You’re clearly a good spy and I regret any chagrin I may have caused you.” She felt a bit more respected by his word choice and allowed him to continue, even if he stepped a bit closer.

“I guess I wasn’t giving you enough merit for your abilities,” his voice changed ever so slightly and mildly alarmed her with the sexuality it was taking on. “Because as your partner says . . . you’re a great leader,” he concluded, merely inches from her body. In a sudden rush of actions, he had Luisa pinned to the bed with both her hands in one of his above her head and a cloth in her mouth to muffle her noises. She knew immediately what he was doing and tried her best to get him to stop, but he seemed to be too strong for her. His free hand teased at the edge of her skirt before slipping upward and caressing her thigh gently like she wanted this to happen, which she most certainly did not. She thrashed everything she could in an attempt to get away, though it seemed pointless. Her hips were held down by his and she couldn’t move her arms to hit him so she was left helpless between this man and the bed she would be violated on. Tears streaked her face as she accepted this fate and her defense mechanisms kicked in. His hand was cold at the fingertips yet warm at his palm and this created a confusion in her mind that made her think of Beca. The woman who had taught her it was right to fight for what was right even if it wasn’t suggested became the center of her attention when she felt his contradicting hand cup her ass to prepare her for his entrance.

Right then, she decided she wasn’t going to let herself be victimized again. She was tired of constantly being told what to do, tired of being hurt, broken Luisa. She wanted to be the Kommissar she was so many years back, but the situation she was in stripped her of that right. She angered herself out of frustration because she didn’t want to be her weaker self, but she didn’t know how to force her strength out of herself. This in itself was enough for her to take action. Her tears became hot with the rage flooding her mind and she pulled her arms out of the man’s grip only to hit him extremely hard in the face with both of her elbows. As per usual, he screamed and backed off, removing his hands from her body. He had the startings of black eyes from where she hit him, but she didn’t care. She stood up and tore the cloth from her mouth to scream, “No! Never again!” He was too focused on the pain in his head to notice the number of punches she threw at him, which knocked him to the ground. She looked at his body on the ground and knew she shouldn’t have lashed out the way she did, but she was proud of herself for standing up for herself.

She crouched down in front of his face, grabbed his shirt collar, and told him, “That  _ sir _ is why I’m a great leader.” She simply dropped his head to the floor before standing up as if nothing happened and heading out into the hall she was supposed to exit from. She got about halfway down the hall when she heard a horrific screech from another maid. They had found his wounded body. She stopped unconsciously, but it wasn’t until she heard, “She did it! Enemy of the Union!” that she broke into a full sprint. She ran past Pieter and they briefly made eye contact. His eyes read horror in what she had done, but hers read complete contentment and freedom from the oppression she had suffered from. Having not decided on where she’d go after this, the blonde stopped once she was out into the busy streets since she figured she could hide out there for a while. Eventually, she found out she had been labelled as a fugitive on the run and anyone who could find her was to be made a higher class citizen, though entirely impossible with the Communist system. Her newfound confidence in herself and her abilities helped her devise a plan to escape the Soviet Union and get back to America, get back to Beca. As soon as she could, she died her hair to the color of her ironically dark roots and cut it into a short Pixie cut she once saw Audrey Hepburn with.

With her new identity determined, she began to devise her plan to live the life she wanted to live . . . with Beca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference: "Dr. Manette in Defarge's attic" - A Tale of Two Cities when Manette was held in the attic of the wine shop keeper (Defarge) after he got out of prison.


	15. Chapter 15

**California, December 13, 1955**

 

The afternoon sun shone in through the windows of the small house at the end of Valentine street where Beca and Bonnie were relaxing after a long day of piano lessons, doctor’s appointments, and general motherhood. Suburban life proved to be surprisingly difficult for the single mother as everything was reliant on a man. She had that support with Jesse, but now she was alone with her now five-year-old daughter who didn’t require more than the basics of survival, which always helped. She started school a few months ago and she was excelling in her language arts classes mainly because of the little bit of German she knew from years back. Beca found it a wonder what consequences she still had from her German escapade in ‘52. Her heart still yearned for the gentle touch of her lover, but her head told her it was wrong to want to comfort the woman who had broken her heart. She tried not to focus on the details of her love life as she spun around with Bonnie on her back while they listened to Elvis Presley. Bonnie was laughing her head off and holding on to her mother for dear life when they heard a knock at the door. Beca stopped spinning, turned the music down, and took Bonnie with her to the front door. She opened the door still laughing to see a tall woman with a short brunette haircut and blue eyes.

“Hello, may I help you?” Beca questioned, adjusting the toddler on her back. She wore sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt since she was off that day. She brushed the hair out of her face and looked at the woman at the door. “Yes, I believe you can. Are you Ms. Rebecca Mitchell?” the woman answered. She had some European accent, but it sounded strained as if she was trying to rid of it for some reason. The mother nodded her head and allowed the supposed stranger to enter the foyer before closing the door. “What could I do for you today?” she asked, feeling Bonnie’s weight start to drag on her. The taller woman glanced at the toddler for a second then stopped because of the look in the small eyes. Bonnie was staring at this woman complexly as if she was questioning the woman herself. She knew she had dreams about a woman similar to the one in front of her, but they seemed more like memories than anything and the imaginary woman had long blonde hair, which directly contrasted the woman she saw now. But when she looked into the older woman’s eyes, they seemed eerily identical to the ones she saw in her dreams. Sometimes, she would tell her mother about the woman in her dreams, but all Beca would do was evade the conversation awkwardly.

The tall, brunette woman saw all of this pass over the chitlin’s face and knew Bonnie suspected her to be who she actually was. Luisa broke the eye contact and turned back to Beca, who was still waiting for an answer. “Piano lessons.” The shorter of the two let her daughter to the floor because she had grown tired and expanded, “For your . . . ?” It was more of a statement that needed clarification rather than a question and Luisa said, “Me, actually. I really only need to learn how to play a few things.”

“Alright, then. But I’ll need to see what you can do first,” Beca explained, motioning to her office. The short-haired female followed behind the younger one to a room at the back of the house where there was a baby grand piano, a few benches, and shelves of sheet music. Luisa was thoroughly impressed by what her old lover had done for herself and her daughter and had a hard time not telling Beca outright who she was. Luisa was told to sit down at the piano for her comprehensive evaluation before Beca stood by the side of the piano. “Alright, to begin. Hit whatever note I say and match the chord to the best of your ability,” Beca stated, watching the other woman intently. She could see a resemblance of the woman in front of her to someone from her past, but she couldn’t point out who. She had managed to remove the image of Luisa from her mind and only think about the way the blonde made her feel, which explained why she didn’t recognize the brunette Luisa.

On occasion, she’d stumble upon the photograph she brought with her and she’d remember Luisa for a few depressing hours before playing with Bonnie reminded her of her life in the present. “Hit note B.” Luisa complied graciously, remembering which key was what note. “Play chord E minor for four beats.” Luisa almost laughed at the simplicity of the request but played the E minor chord anyway. Seeing the woman’s confidence spike, Beca hit her with a fairly difficult request. “Play the thirds of a scale that begins with A.” Not knowing what thirds were, Luisa struggled with the task. Beca silently high fived herself for being able to confuse the goddess in front of her and decided that was enough to move on to the next stage. “Now, I want you to play anything. Anything at all. Could be a song, a scale, anything.” Luisa had been waiting for this all along. The chance to play a song for Beca. She had planned this from the beginning and the problem now was playing the old tune semi-decently so Beca could recognize it. Luisa nodded to Beca before turning to the keys in front of her to start. She placed her fingers on the keys for the lower chord while she placed her other ones on the keys for the melody and individually played each note to check she had the right ones. Beca had no idea what the woman was doing until she started to play.

  
At first, Luisa couldn't figure out what to play when but after a few tries, she figured out the order. Beca found the rough song to be almost an exact copy of the song she wrote for Bonnie, but with different lyrics, which Luisa began singing somewhat in time with the song:

 

**_Guten Abend, gute Nacht,_ **

**_mit Rosen bedacht,_ **

**_mit Näglein besteckt,_ **

**_schlupf unter die Deck:_ **

**_Morgen früh, wenn Gott will,_ **

**_wirst du wieder geweckt,_ **

**_morgen früh, wenn Gott will,_ **

**_wirst du wieder geweckt._ **

 

Beca had become intrigued by Luisa’s playing because she had recognized the lyrics and melody from the song she had created for Bonnie. Yet somewhere in her mind, she couldn't figure out how this woman she had seemingly never met before knew the song. She knew she only played it the way Luisa was playing it one time and that was Christmas of ‘52 when there was almost no one else in the house beside their small friend group. The question boggled her mind. She didn't even notice her daughter waddle into the room. Bonnie had a sudden epiphany as she heard the soprano voice ring through the house and realized the woman who was playing was the woman from her recollections. The woman who once loved her. Bonnie stood in the door to the playing room just staring at the Barbie doll in her hand before she glanced at Luisa. It clicked in her mind and she whispered, “Auntie LuLu.” Too lost in the music, Luisa continued to play like it was the last thing she was going to do in her mortal life. She poured everything she had into the lyrics and her mediocre playing to relieve the pain she felt in her heart from recalling the tragic memories of what she left in Atlanta two years ago. Her intonation reflected the emotions surfacing from her soul as she sang the final verse:

 

**_Guten Abend gute Nacht,_ **

**_von Englein bewacht,_ **

**_die zeigen im Traum_ **

**_dir Christkindleins Baum:_ **

**_Schlaf nur selig und süß,_ **

**_schau im Traum's Paradies,_ **

**_schlaf nur selig und süß,_ **

**_schau im Traum's Paradies._ **

 

Beca heard Luisa finish her song before she was entirely perplexed by what had happened. She identified the song as one of her own compositions but couldn’t figure out who this woman was to know the music fully. She had a minor suspicion on who it was, but her heart wouldn’t let her believe it. Tears formed in her eyes at the thought of the tall brunette being Luisa and she watched as the woman turned to her with a similar look in her eyes. The sitting woman stood up to her towering height, looked Beca in the face, and asked, “How did I do?” Her voice had changed from when she first came in to her natural, German accent Bonnie knew instantly. The child threw her doll as she ran to Luisa with a big hug and squeal of, “Auntie LuLu! It’s you!” On instinct, Luisa picked the child up for the hug and wrapped her arms around the small torso. Bonnie held Luisa’s neck like she used to and nuzzled her face into the warm skin she once only dreamed of. The taller woman hugged the small toddler back before kissing the side of her head and looking straight at Beca to confirm, “Ja, Baby Maus. It’s me.” Beca nearly fell to pieces. She covered her mouth with her hand while tears ran down her face desperately, her suspicions confirmed. She could barely look at Luisa.

Luisa forced back her own tears and reached up to cup Beca’s face. She made eye contact with the mother for a second as to reestablish the connection they had before and told her sweetly, “Don’t cry, Maus. I’m here now.” The smaller brunette leaned into the ex-blonde’s touch and buried her face in the warm chest as she wrapped her arms around the thin waist. Bonnie was set down and Luisa embraced Beca around the shoulders to pull her closer. Luisa continuously rocked back and forth to comfort her love, though she was crying herself. Beca cried more before Luisa consoled her with, “I know, I know, Maus. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I ran away.” The younger woman cried more and clutched Luisa’s shirt in her fists. She felt Luisa grip her cheeks in a loving embrace of warm, soft hands and adjust her gaze so she looked into the big, blue eyes. “You deserve to know the truth . . . and to start, I need to tell you something I should have years ago,” Luisa continued, feeling her companion weaken in the knees. Beca held her breath as she heard Luisa confess, “I love you, Beca.” Her lips were smothered in Luisa’s for a passionate kiss lacking nothing.

“I . . . I love you too, L-L . . . Luisa.” Beca found she struggled with saying the woman’s name again as if it had been a forbidden curse for so many years but repeated herself over and over again. With every sentence, she couldn’t stand up any longer and Luisa slowly lowered them to the ground on her knees with Beca in her lap. Bonnie was just watching the interaction between the two women, but she had cried a little bit when Beca whispered, “I . . . I thought I lost you.” Beca held Luisa’s face in her hands to have something to ground herself and convince herself that this was real.

Luisa simply kissed Beca once, pressed her forehead against her lover’s, and whispered back, “No, Maus. I’ll never leave you. Never again.”


End file.
